Monday, February 20, 2012

The Track Has Been Unburried

At the end of November, I celebrated a year of my weight loss journey, and made resolutions to myself to help make the next year a success as well.  As most resolutions go, I did great for a while, bolstered on by the thought of a fresh new year of triumph over fat, but by the time the holidays hit, I was a mess.  I willingly hopped on the sugar/blood sugar roller coaster, and indulged in it's warmth, and coasted on the same old theory of, I'll get things back on track Monday/after the new year/after school starts, etc.
Today I went back to Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet.  I have been here a bunch of times before, and everytime I go ketogenic I end up feeling great and losing a bunch of water weight, which really improves my mood.  My downfall is not during the keto phase, but directly after, when I am allowed carbs again.  I go way overboard.  So this time, I am going to be a lot more conscious of that and work to keep things balanced. 
Saturday night my family went to Applebee's for dinner, which was a new experience for my kids.  They had a blast.  I had been feeling fairly low about myself, due to the fact that I don't really need a belt with my jeans anymore, when at one point I was on the fourth hole.  But I put my petty weight issues aside and went out to have fun.  After all, I hardly see much of my hubby these days, so I cherish the time I do get.  During dinner, one of our male servers, a cute little thing in cool glasses, let his gaze on me linger a little longer than what was comfortable for my husband, and usually he is not too perceptive about these things, but he noticed that night.  My husband, being very mature, simply cracked a joke and we laughed it off, but it was really a meaningful moment for me, because I was at such a low point before dinner, that I thought not even my husband could find me attractive. It reminded me that I am not my weight.
It goes to show just how much we let our body image effect everything.  It has the ability to suffocate and choke us if we allow it.  And we base our self-worth on it.  I am an amazing person, not because I have lost weight or will lose weight, but because of what I have faced and overcome, because I am an amazing mom to two awesome kids, because I am smart and caring and sometimes allow my joy to spread to others.  The amount of fat around my waist doesn't make me a good/bad person, and even if never fit the ideal image, I will celebrate who I am. 
When I started this journey, I was driven by a dream to slough off the rough edges and get rid of the self-loathing and sadness, and in the end, be able to wear a cute little strappy dress and feel comfortable.  I will admit, I do care what I look like, it is a driving factor.  But what I was happily suprised to learn by this journey, is that exercise and good nutrition are what made me feel balanced and vital.  It gives me the piece of mind that no matter what I look like, I know I am doing the right thing for my body, and I feel so great.
That is why I believe this restart will be effective.  I am going to make time for weight training again, and start really working toward increasing my speed for my 5K.  I am eating a lot more vegetables and making sure everything is planned out so I don't have an excuse to eat something off plan.  And, while I don't know how long it will last, I started a food/exercise journal this morning, as a way of keeping myself acocuntable and aware of what I am putting in.  This morning I did a chest/shoulder/tricep workout and my upper body is feeling like it is my first workout in years!  Tomorrow I plan on getting some interval running in on the treadmill. 
The scale said 162 this morning, and without thinking I told myself that I want to be 152 by my 5K on May 19.  That would be so great to see those numbers again, to feel the triumph over my own mental challenges.  We have been having spring-like temperatures quite frequently lately, and the dripping of the melted snow is a great reminder of what is ahead, warm, beautiful summer days.  I think getting back on track now will yield great results for summer.  And now, my husband and I are going to make a serious effort to move to Ft. Lauderdale, Florida in a little more than a year.  It is perpetual summer there, I need to be sure I am in shape to handle the heat and beach-ready so I can enjoy all my days in the sun.  A plan to get out of the snowy beyond is just what I needed to fire me up! 
Until school is done in early May, I probably won't be blogging as much, but I will try to do weigh-ins on Fridays and blog my progress.  It makes more sense to weigh-in on Fridays, after a successful week, instead of Mondays, when I am still retaining water from the cheat-infested weekends. 
Here's to fresh starts!  Hope your week is wonderful!

2 comments:

  1. Thoughtfully written and inspiring as ever. You really have a good insight and hold a mirror up so I can see my own insecurities too. 'I am not my weight' is a brilliant comment. And Fort Lauderdale sounds nice if is as warm as you say.

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  2. Thank you, Tony. I think too often we think that women are the only ones that have such insecurities, and we neglect the feelings of men far too much.

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