I didn't blog on Tuesday, due to the crazy-busy pace at work, people needing things ordered, fixed and picked up before they leave on their summer vacations and such. I got through it OK, but it always irritates me when I can't keep my office countertops clear, and don't have proper time to put things away. As closing time came along, I still had three patients in my office, one of whom was "Rose". You may remember Rose from This post. I began helping Rose when I was in my late twenties, and back then, I was always irritated by how she wanted to talk my ear off about stuff I couldn't yet relate to. That was a much busier office than I am currently working, but all of my coworkers would suddenly become "unavailable" when she appeared in the office. Rose comes to my current office every few months to make sure the screws on her glasses are tight, and she usually ends up spending the better part of an hour talking and asking questions. This time, she waited patiently while I helped the other two patients, and then we talked about every little thing that came to mind. It was like two old friends (or two new friends) having coffe talk. We talked about bad knees, and she showed me that hers are so bad that she can't even straighten one all the way, I never noticed that before, and it looks really uncomfortable. She is so worried that insurance won't cover the surgery, that she has gone more than 10 years without cortisone shots, and only takes Tylenol for the pain. Luckily, she will be getting Medicare shortly, and will be able to have the much needed surgery. During our coffe talk sessions (sans the coffee unfortunately) what I have learned about her is that, despite having a lot of problems in her life, she is a really positive and helpful person. She is patient and considerate, she lets other patients go ahead of her because she knows she will take up more time, she is smart, always smiling, and just all-around pleasant. And the more I get to know her, I am learning that she has quite a good sense of humor. Even though Rose kept me at work nearly an hour after close on Tuesday night, there was a moment when we were both laughing out loud and saying how much we needed that talk and laugh. Rose is as people should be in so many ways. And for some reason, it seems like she always pops into my office when I am stressed out, and teaches me a lesson about lightening up and being more positive, just by her actions. Of course the stress always returns, but for that time spent, and for several days after, I feel like I've had a good therapy session.
I have still been having a lot of sleep issues, and the nights that I do get good rest it is due to taking melatonin, which makes it hard to get up in the morning. At the beginnning of the week, I set my alarm to allow time to workout, and by Wednesday, I realized that I am going to take the rest when I can get it. I am feeling so tired and weak, I don't really know what I can do. When I do get a physical therapy workout in, I feel pretty good, but that is always in the evenings, when I generally do have more energy. It would follow logic to switch to evening workouts, but it would be tough to plan, and would hinge on my kids cooperating at the gym's kid sitting station, which they are not too fond of, and have gotten kicked out of for fighting in the past. I had a physical exam with my doctor yesterday, and we discussed all of my recent symptoms. My blood pressure was unusually high, numbers I haven't seen since I was first diagnosed with HBP in 2008. That flooded me with a bunch of emotions/fear that all of my recent health issues are being caused by my heart. After a thorough exam, including listening to my carotid artery, she released me with orders for a bunch of bloodwork. During my physical, she mentioned (5-6 times) that she wants to check my vitamin D levels, as the sun allergy has me covering up and slathered in sunblock. How lucky would that be if that was all it was? A lot of the symptoms match what I am experiencing, and a deficiency can lead to high blood pressure. She is also checking my thyroid function and vitamin B-12, and iron. I am glad that she took the time to listen and check a bunch of different things. I am worried that it will be high cholesterol or blood sugar issues, but I know I can fix that and get those numbers turned around. What terrifies me most, is the sinking feeling I get when I think, what if they don't find anything? I had my fasting labs drawn this morning, so I imagine I will find out what my blood looks like in a few days. Fingers crossed for vitamin deficiency. I have had my thyroid tested a few times and it always comes back within normal ranges, and I doubt I have anemia. None of them are good, but some of them are much easier to fix. I am hopeful for something to make me feel better, have more energy so I can get back to taking care of my health through diet and exercise. I don't feel like myself right now, and I don't like it.
My mother will have my boys next week, which will be a rare opportunity for me to both sleep-in and workout in the morning. We'll see how that goes. AT some point, I may just have to push myself, despite the lack of energy and strength. I can't stay stagnant much longer, it is breaking me.
This weekend should be rejuvinating, with plans to go to the zoo and spend a little quality time with my husband, maybe try a new recipe or two. I am looking forward to not waking up to an alarm. Yawn!
Hope you are doing well. I promise I'll get back to those happy, uplifting blogs at some point, just have a few things to work out!