Healing from Within

Whoa man!  I have had some crazy experiences over the weekend!  It was so powerful I was too close to it to blog, but my mind was going a million miles an hour. 
Saturday I had to bring my dog to the vet for his annual shots and bloodwork.  It was my first time bringing him for the blood draw, and my first time doing it since he's not a puppy anymore, and he's gotten a lot more protective.  He is the epitome of a Nervous Ned of a Reactive Rover.  He was yelling, growling, biting, and he jerked as they were trying to take blood so he was bleeding everywhere.  It was draining and emotional for me, and I think it is going to have to be my husband's job from now on!  LOL.  He did the best his little 13 pound self could do and I spent a big part of the day feeling bad for him and appologizing that it was such a crazy day. 
The weather was gorgeous on Saturday, so I did spend a little time outside on my patio, watching the birds in the trees and thinking.  I geeked out on geneology stuff too, which felt nice.  Overall, despite having a saucy checker at the grocery store in the morning, and be traumatized taking my dog to the vet, Saturday was pretty mellow and nice. 
Yesterday my husband and I went to a little church we discovered about a half hour drive away from us.  It is a 138-year old church and it is spiritualist (psychic science is the new age term I believe).  I am not a churchy person.  I grew up without it, we didn't go to church and my parents did not force religion on me or even practice on their own that I'm aware of.  This church caters to people like me, who want to improve myself through meditation, who've had personal spiritual experiences, and who want to know my spirit guides and get answers from them.  I got all that and more yesterday.  Deep meditative healing techniques that left me buzzing and a little shaky.  I meditated and got visions and answers and when she told me to name my biggest fear and my biggest stress and my greatest emotional pain and give it to the archangel I did feel like a metaphoric burden was lifted.  She said to give away all the burdens and stress and pain that you've taken on for someone else too.  And we were instructed to give away all of the feelings of what she termed "Poverty identification" or poverty thinking, feelings that I am not enough, that I'm not good enough.  The meditation and self healing lasted more than an hour, with very positive messages and surrounding ourselves with white light, and culminating in visiting our "temple" in our mind to meet our spirit guide and ask for a message.  I got a few messages during the day, that are relevant and timely, and they require more reflection.  I was crying pretty early on, when she was talking about giving away feelings of unworthiness and brokenness, and feelings that I am not enough.  By the end, I was uplifted, which, regardless of your faith or beliefe, should be what church is about, right?  In the end of the service we talked about mediumship, and the ability to receive and interpret messages from the universe.  She has the gift and she chose a few people in the congregation (all 10-12 of us) to deliver messages to.  She chose my husband first and said that he has powers of healing and teaching, but he needs to remeber humility.  She also said that our autistic sons chose him because of his powers, and to remind him to always have humility.  It was really pretty relevant.  She also gave messages to others who'd lost loved ones, and yes, she was able to discern some unexpected things.  I admit, I was a little disappointed to not be chosen for a reading, but I know if I continue going I will be chosen.  Honestly, I was so emotional after the service that I probably would've cried through it even if she gave me a message. 
I have also added tarot reading (just for myself) to my repetoir of tools I am using to get messages.  It has been helpful.  For instance, just yesterday I pulled a card warning me to choose my battles wisely because sometimes even winning comes at a cost; this same card also has undertones of being aware of selfish behaviors and how it affects others negatively. 
I had my deepest meditation yet this morning, more messages and a warning that I am still trying to decipher but I think it means to watch that things don't get out of balace, making me lose my stability.  I have a tendency to latch on to something and let other stuff fall away a little.  I think this message was to remind me that no one thing can or should be everything.  I have to learn that lesson.  I need to stop trying to fix everyone's problems, which is different than being supportive.  Trying to be everything to everyone is throwing off my own internal balance and peace.
So, as profound as this all felt, I wish I wrote it better, but that's it in a nutshell.  I am finally meditating, and with that little bit of guidance, I have been wildly successful and am having very meaningful experiences with it! 
Aside from that, it's a typical Monday!  haha.  I feel so calm and good today.  I really hope this is the result of my ability to meditate, and I hope it continues!  I think it will be healing in a multitude of ways, not the least of which is, to my health and returning to a healthy weight. Afterall, if I am able to calm and heal my mind and the hurful past, what else will I have to comfort-eat for?
Hope you all had a great weekend!  Happy Monday.


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