Thursday, April 27, 2017

Not Drowning Yet

So my little water challenge is not getting off to as smooth a start as I'd hoped.  I am realizing that one huge part of my day, during work, I have very little control over what happens.  It can be (and has been) so busy that I find myself on the salesfloor for a few hours at a time, meaning I am not drinking anything much less getting nearer my goal of getting more water in me.  I was getting down on myself for not progressing then I realized that goals are great, but when there is an obstacle making it less realistic, it sets me up to fail.  So, maybe to start, I have to be less specific with my goal.  I will try to drink more water or even just non-carbonated drinks (because I love me some Life Water and Bai's Molokai Coconut drinks) and just get more of that in me when time allows.  I have been drinking more water but probably not a gallon.  I don't know.  The having to measure and weight stuff just makes me feel like I have one more burden on my plate, and right now I can't take much more weight on my back, mentally. 
I feel like I sound like a broken record.  I feel like a broken record, I still have the deep mental grooves from years of dieting.  I bounce off the walls of "I am going to crack down and be a disciplined, healthy eater and I'm going to work out every day" and "Trying to be something I'm not is only going to backfire."  What do I want more than anything right now?  To have more energy; to feel more alert and happy.  My job burns me out, and I take on a lot of stuff at home.  I just feel like I never fully relax and rejuvenate myself.  I feel like I need a week on the beach, just doing nothing but napping under an umbrella and listening to the waves roll in and out, then dinner is fresh fish with some sort of mango salsa and a drink with coconut rum in a coconut-shaped cup with a colorful umbrella sticking out.  Of course, in my little fantasy I already have a satisfactory shape and I am oiled up in coconut-scented sunscreen because I have a nice color naturally (still fantasy here).  Ah, that little mental vacation felt nice!  I like coconut.  Maybe it's time to find some nice coconut-scented lotion to help me feel like I'm on vactation.   Little tricks can go a long way. 
I will say this; I have noticed in the past that sometimes I have to put a little effort in first ( before I actually feel like doing so) before I start to feel good.  I may have to start doing more than hip-opening yoga in order to feel more awake.  For now, waking up at 5am leaves me just enough time to get done what I absolutely need to, no extra time for exercise, but in 6 weeks when the kids are out of school, getting up at 5 will give me plenty of time to get in a little something.  I'm sure it would go a long way toward livening me up a little, and would help me manage my stress better too. 
Saying I should get exercise and doing it feel like they are miles apart.  I have literally NO desire to move my body any more than it actually has to.  I still clock an average of 10,000 steps daily on my Fitbit, just going about my day, it's a little less on the weekends.  I have a lot more aches and pains than I used to, but I know that could improve too if I put effort into it.  I need to find a way to bridge the gap between the "should" and the "did".  I only have about 8 months left before my annual physical exam.  I want to have good bloodwork this time, but do I care enough to make a change? 
To be continued I guess.

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