Stumbling Up

Yesterday was a little eye-opening.  Despite how smoothly my mornings are going, getting the kids ready and off to school, I felt irritable almost from the start, but it didn't really come to surface until I was at work.  We are training a new girl who is going to be fantastic.  She is super smart, nice, professional and is catching on to our system faster than anyone I have seen in the past 7+ years of being here.  Unfortunately, she wears a perfume that does not sit well with me, I felt like my nose was burning the whole time she was here. Ugh.  And after she left for the day it was all I could smell.  Everytime I picked up the phone, around the desk, all over the office for hours my nose and head were not happy, but I was already in that mood anyway.  Luckily, the day was quiet (which is why she left to go to another location) so I had time to work slowly, sit often and take the day a little easier.  It was a welcome break, especially because I didn't want to have to fake being nice when I wasn't feeling upbeat and chipper.  Then, a half hour before I was set to close, 4 people were in my office looking at glasses.  The proportion of people who come into browse versus actually buy something is astounding, so I wasn't too concerned until I realized that one of the older ladies wanted to buy.  Not a big deal, I knew I would have time to get her order in and still make it to my chiropractor appointment at 5:30.  She. Took. FOREVER!  So indecisive, when I would ask her a question about an optional add-on she would begin relaying a story about someone she knew who had that and go off on a tangent about that person's life and troubles etc.  Normally I don't mind, it's nice to let people know they are welcome.  But there was another person sitting at the next table waiting for me.  I was hoping it was just to have her glasses adjusted or ask some questions.  By the time I finished with the first lady it was 4:55 (we close at 5:00).  The second lady had two frames and said she just wanted to buy a frame because she likes to get her lenses made in an hour.  The frames she had were two complete opposite ends of the spectrum, one very premium, Austrian made frame and one very inexpensive frame in our budget line.  She wanted me to explain the difference in the cost and I did.  She was also very indecisive and was also wanting to tell me stories about experiences that were not really relevant.  Tik Tok, all I kept thinking about was wondering if I could still make it to my appointment by 5:30.  She ultimately decided that she was going to buy a whole new pair from me, and had to run out to get her prescription from her car.  By the time she returned to me it was now 5:05.  Then we had to go over pricing and lens options, about which she was very uncertain and indecisive.  Finally, when it came time to taking measurements, she was talking and talking about tangent stuff and I finally had to tell her, "I'm sorry if it feels like I'm rushing you but I have an appointment I need to get to."  She apologized but kept right on talking.  UGH.  I was so streesed out that I started to feel that heartburn feeling in my gut.  I absolutey HATE being late for anything, but especially appointments.  When we finally finished up and I settled my books it was 5:20 and as I was leaving the parking ramp it was 5:23 and I was more stressed than ever.  Luckily, my chiropractor is not miles and miles away, so after driving like a maniac I made it there by 5:34 and all was fine. 
But even after that stressful stuff was over, I still had that irritable feeling that seemed to have no root.   My husband had a Freemasons meeting, which usually means I take some time to indulge in some of my favorite things like taking a hot soak in the tub, face masks, sometimes paint my nails and watch a genealogy show or something.  I ended up taking that soak with some muscle relief aromatherapy bubble bath, and started listening to a weight loss podcast (new to me) but ended up falling asleep half way through it.  When I got out of the bath I felt a little less irritated but more restless.  I couldn't find anything that seemed fun enough or interesting enough to make me feel good.  I had a cup of hot tea, played games on my phone, went on Facebook; nothing worked.  I was delighted when it was time for bed, hoping that the new day would bring a better mood. 
This week has been a little less clean than I have been  being recently.  Someone brought Kringle ( a pastry) in to celebrate an office acheivement,  and someone brought yogurt with toppings for an early morning meeting that I missed.  I ended up having sweet stuff 2 days in a row, but kept the servings much smaller than I would have back in the day.  The peice of Kringle I had fit on a fork with little overlap.  I had two pieces that size one day, and one piece the other day.  I put some granola on the Light and Fit yogurt, which I used as a dessert to my salad I brought.  Totally unneccesary calories, they were impulse eats, visual cues that I allowed to seduce me.  Its really easy, apparently.  Maybe it was the state of mind I was in this week, feeling unfocused and almost bored with thinking about food and health etc.  Maybe next week I need to up the ante on tasty recipes.  I ate a few higher carb things for dinner this week too, mostly turkey sandwiches, which aren't terrible but the bread is a little more than I need. Wednesday night we had frozen pizza for dinner. And last night, after I got home from my chiropractor appointment, I had a plate of nachos with refried beans and sour cream.  I wanted to keep eating and eating for comfort last night, but realizing I was trying to "eat my mood away" I avoided it by having hot tea and taking a bath.  That did work to get my mind off eating, but I don't like the whole sensation of the craving the senseless nosh.  But this won't be the last time this stuff crops up.  There are going to be crabby days, and days when everything seems to go in a jagged line instead of smooth.  There are going to be days when situations are somewhat out of my control and days when I have a restless boredom that needs to be quenched somehow.  Its all of these things that make me aware of how much more on top of my game I will need to be to find alternative things to make me feel better.  I should have gotten on the exercise bike last night, but you know what?  I have been in such a groove of doing my habitual numbing stuff to feel better that the thought never crossed my mind.  I will try to remember that next time.  Or I could take my dog for a real walk, it would make us both feel better.  I need to start turning those 'off' times into positives, find a way to rejuvenate myself by doing things that are good for me.  I think I handled the evening (tea and bath) well because my actual stress was reduced a bit (maybe the nachos took the edge off).  I have been telling myself that if I indulge during the day I should try to bounce back and be a little more careful the rest of the day, that didn't pan out last night but I knew it was a temporary thing. 
I feel much better today, my mind is in the mood to delve into dissecting the stuff that lays behind my behaviors that are not as productive.  What made me agree to eat those sweets when I didn't need them?  Why am I weak to the impulsive/visual cues to eat stuff that is bad for my health?  I also need to figure out a dinner that is EASY and quick because that is one of the things that is making me not eat my planned dinner, I have to prep it, often at a time when the kitchen is busy in my house, so then I reach for something that is ready-made or easy like a sandwich.  Maybe I need to make some cloud bread and freeze it so that I can eat sanwiches whenever I want and not feel guilt.  UGH, maybe I am full-on back in "diet" mentality.  It is working for me right now, so I don't want to examine it too much.  I don't feel deprived, but I do feel guilty when I eat something less healthy. 
Anyway, that was my stutter/stumble this week. I am happy it didn't last and I am back to feeling like it's all fine, it's going good, and I am going to keep on keeping on! 
I do not own the rights to this photo.  But I love it!


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