When Feelings Interrupt
Sometimes one little thing happens in your day or week that makes you just feel awful, and it seems when that happens, it upsets the whole apple cart doesn't it? A little comment, friction between you and someone else, sometimes its a misperception that hits a trigger inside.
I had that happen yesterday. I was going about my day, feeling a little run down but still making things work. I started planning out a display project at work, something I have felt very uninspired to do but finally decided to get started. I don't have a lot of materials to make these things look phenomenal so I have to be creative and wing it. Anyway, I was putting in effort that was above and beyond what I was being asked to do because I want to. My boss came in and said that my company was going to start publishing our survey results and the very first day they published them, I (or someone in my department, but probably me) got a negative comment from a customer who said I was not helpful. I tried to defend myself, she said she asked me "What's popular?" and I simply said, "Everything" and sat down and ignored her. I asked my boss if he believes the person who never stops talking sounds like a person who would only say one word to a customer. He agreed that doesn't sound like me but everyone was so disappointed to have a negative comment on the first day we released the surveys to the public. So I felt like total CRAP. Truth is, I have lost my passion for my job a long time ago, and I used to be super-uber helpful, almost to a fault, but I have seen the industry change so much. People will come try on glasses and ask for the measurements so they can buy them online or find the frames cheaper somewhere else. People will think nothing of spending an hour or more having me help them, just to walk away, sometimes without a thank you. I can get a sense of who's seriously looking because they want to make a purchase, and who is simply browsing with no intentions of buying. I tend to not put as much energy into the ones who are just browsing or killing time while waiting for an appointment. But this whole thing brings up more questions and doubts. Why doesn't it get under my skin when someone asks what's popular? That's like going to a car dealer and saying, "Tell me what car I should pick." It's so vague. I think maybe people expect that I will decide what they need or want, but I have very bold funky tastes so I need imput from them, and I really hate having to PULL information bit by bit and they act like I'm asking for a kidney. But there must be something beneath that situation (and a few others at work) that really bother me and I know it's my own issue to get through, but I haven't figured out why certain things irritate me so much.
Yesterday's incident was followed by my boss making a slightly less-than-glowing comment about the project that I was working on, and only a week ago he made a comment that a display I set up "Kinda looks like crap" which really bothered me because he is usually complimentary and we get along well. It made me start to doubt myself. Then we have been having more people than usual saying that they can't see good out of their glasses and I immediately doubt if I did something wrong, even though I have been doing this job for 18 years and know how to do it. I feel like I'm under the gun lately, but it's not just external. I feel like I've been failing at a lot of things I have done, even when I cook for my family, I've been overcooking the chicken, under-seasoning stuff, and just having things not turn out. Normally I can let these things roll off me but after feeling like such a horrible employee lately, it started to feel like it was snowballing. I started to feel really down. I knew that I would get past it, but I also take these things as a sign that its time to do a little self-exploration to see what is underneath all that stuff. Feelings of failure, but even deeper, unworthiness. It makes me want to withdraw, and I did for a while last night, I recoiled and tried to numb myself with Candy Crush Saga. LOL. I had comfort food for dinner, a warm bean burrito with cheese and sour cream. I went to bed with horrible nausea and feeling so worn out, and didn't sleep great because my stomach felt so bad. My husband was worried about how detached I was being and I told him I knew it would be better after a good night's sleep, and it is, but I will not ignore the work I need to do. I have to figure out what those triggers really mean, and find a way around it at work, and I am also going to devote more time to looking at what jobs are out there. I know all jobs are stressful and have ups and downs, and I have a ton of really good benefits where I work, but knowing that I am at least scouting out posibilities makes me feel better. I don't hate my job but I don't have the passion for the profession like I once did.
So I have a lot to think through. I don't want to make that horrible feeling be for naught, I want to use it as a tool to help me learn and grow. These little things will always come up to make life more interesting, I just want to make sure I am stable personally so it doesn't toss me off course.
I've used this meme before but it's one of my favorites:
I had that happen yesterday. I was going about my day, feeling a little run down but still making things work. I started planning out a display project at work, something I have felt very uninspired to do but finally decided to get started. I don't have a lot of materials to make these things look phenomenal so I have to be creative and wing it. Anyway, I was putting in effort that was above and beyond what I was being asked to do because I want to. My boss came in and said that my company was going to start publishing our survey results and the very first day they published them, I (or someone in my department, but probably me) got a negative comment from a customer who said I was not helpful. I tried to defend myself, she said she asked me "What's popular?" and I simply said, "Everything" and sat down and ignored her. I asked my boss if he believes the person who never stops talking sounds like a person who would only say one word to a customer. He agreed that doesn't sound like me but everyone was so disappointed to have a negative comment on the first day we released the surveys to the public. So I felt like total CRAP. Truth is, I have lost my passion for my job a long time ago, and I used to be super-uber helpful, almost to a fault, but I have seen the industry change so much. People will come try on glasses and ask for the measurements so they can buy them online or find the frames cheaper somewhere else. People will think nothing of spending an hour or more having me help them, just to walk away, sometimes without a thank you. I can get a sense of who's seriously looking because they want to make a purchase, and who is simply browsing with no intentions of buying. I tend to not put as much energy into the ones who are just browsing or killing time while waiting for an appointment. But this whole thing brings up more questions and doubts. Why doesn't it get under my skin when someone asks what's popular? That's like going to a car dealer and saying, "Tell me what car I should pick." It's so vague. I think maybe people expect that I will decide what they need or want, but I have very bold funky tastes so I need imput from them, and I really hate having to PULL information bit by bit and they act like I'm asking for a kidney. But there must be something beneath that situation (and a few others at work) that really bother me and I know it's my own issue to get through, but I haven't figured out why certain things irritate me so much.
Yesterday's incident was followed by my boss making a slightly less-than-glowing comment about the project that I was working on, and only a week ago he made a comment that a display I set up "Kinda looks like crap" which really bothered me because he is usually complimentary and we get along well. It made me start to doubt myself. Then we have been having more people than usual saying that they can't see good out of their glasses and I immediately doubt if I did something wrong, even though I have been doing this job for 18 years and know how to do it. I feel like I'm under the gun lately, but it's not just external. I feel like I've been failing at a lot of things I have done, even when I cook for my family, I've been overcooking the chicken, under-seasoning stuff, and just having things not turn out. Normally I can let these things roll off me but after feeling like such a horrible employee lately, it started to feel like it was snowballing. I started to feel really down. I knew that I would get past it, but I also take these things as a sign that its time to do a little self-exploration to see what is underneath all that stuff. Feelings of failure, but even deeper, unworthiness. It makes me want to withdraw, and I did for a while last night, I recoiled and tried to numb myself with Candy Crush Saga. LOL. I had comfort food for dinner, a warm bean burrito with cheese and sour cream. I went to bed with horrible nausea and feeling so worn out, and didn't sleep great because my stomach felt so bad. My husband was worried about how detached I was being and I told him I knew it would be better after a good night's sleep, and it is, but I will not ignore the work I need to do. I have to figure out what those triggers really mean, and find a way around it at work, and I am also going to devote more time to looking at what jobs are out there. I know all jobs are stressful and have ups and downs, and I have a ton of really good benefits where I work, but knowing that I am at least scouting out posibilities makes me feel better. I don't hate my job but I don't have the passion for the profession like I once did.
So I have a lot to think through. I don't want to make that horrible feeling be for naught, I want to use it as a tool to help me learn and grow. These little things will always come up to make life more interesting, I just want to make sure I am stable personally so it doesn't toss me off course.
I've used this meme before but it's one of my favorites:
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| I do not own the rights to this awesome photo. |
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