Diet Coke and Hormones (Moans)

Today I had a Diet Coke.  Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I have pretty much given up soda except on occassion.  But today I am searching for something that will help lift the zombie feeling I have and I figured a Diet Coke was a pretty harmless way to give myself a little boost.  Some days are just like that, despite getting a good amount of sleep.  I feel like my entire being needs a good, 5-minute-stretch-and-hold session, like all my pieces are stiff and heavy today, and I won't get started on all the aches and pains.  It really stinks to not wake up feeling like I did when I was 20-something.  I really took that stuff for granted! 
One of the things I noticed about my lethargic, stiff self today is that I forgot to take any sinus medicine.  I have been battling a bout of sinus inflammation with vertigo for nearly 2 weeks now.  My head, if I don't take sinus medicine (over the counter) feels like it has this nagging little ache all the time.  It also makes me feel sleepier and less able to focus.  Easy enough fix, I suppose, but I don't want to have to keep taking that stuff so I will eventually have to get an appointment to have it checked out I suppose.  I have chronic sinusitus but only take meds when it flares up or it leads to vertigo.  Let me tell you, I am really tired of room-spins. 
Another thing I noticed is that I tend to feel more old, stiff and lethargic during ovulation.  TMI maybe, but it really factors into the whole hormonal tides which really has a huge impact on the way I feel.  I did a bunch of stretching this morning and feel better physically.
My mood is a little funkified this morning though, that could be a combination of all of the above, winter, lack of sunlight, feeling a little directionless or restless...?  I don't like when I feel down/irritated with myself for no reason.  I mean, I did let things slip with my food choices over the weekend.  My husband got his wisdom teeth out on Friday and I took the day off to drive him and look after him.  He didn't need much from me, he just spent the day resting and watching movies.  I did some errands in the day time and spent some time hanging out with him.  It is bittersweet to just relax at home, there is always this pressure I put on myself to be doing more, and there is that other little voice in my head that says I should be indulging in things I truly enjoy even if they are solidary hobbies like genealogy research.  I am fortunate that my husband loves to read and spends a good deal of time doing it so I can do the things I like, but I do sometimes feel guilty when I'm absorbed in my own things and not paying attention to anyone.  I thrive on that though.  I did make some great progress on a project I have been working on for our church, and I did some cleaning and cooked a big pot of chili.  I ate whatever I wanted all weekend, including chili, pizza, cookies and chips.  I didn't really spend any time thinking about myself/health at all during the weekend, I was pretty distracted with a bunch of other "stuff".  These are the things that tend to lead to the feeling of being "stuck" or not caring enough to inspire me to do more. 
So I made myself come up with a list of what I really want, and I tried to go deeper than just the shallow surface answers like, "to look good" and I was surprised at how stuck the answers were.  To have inner peace?  To have joy?  To not feel like a zombie or have multiple aches/complaints?  It will take some more quiet reflection.  And maybe the fact that I can't come up with solid answers is the reason I have trouble staying commited to making my health a priority.  Maybe my getting distracted by other stuff and always feeling like there are a million more important things to take care of is really just a great escape tool that keeps me from having to make any effort.  I'm not saying I'm doing horrible, but there is a disconnect between where I am and where my brain is secretly wishing I could be.  I just need to figure a lot of the in between stuff out in order to be moving forward instead of this constant zig-zag motion I tend to get myself caught up in. 
I'm doing OK.  I am eating fine.  I am not exercising and maybe that's just the thing I need to fix my mood until I figure out the rest.


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