A Binge Sneaked up on me
These short work weeks always make me feel a little "off". I never know what day it is or how close I am to the weekend. Maybe it's a sign I need to focus a little more.
Yesterday my husband sent me a message stating that it has been a strange week, and I guess it really has been. Medicine getting missed, schedules being off, kids are stressed out with the school year ending in 2 weeks...things are just not feeling super smooth this week. My husband is going through his own stuff with prioritizing his time which means pulling back from things that he has put a lot of energy into in the past few years, and managing personalities within that realm. He also has some major changes coming down the pipe at work. We are on the cusp of some transitions within the next few years, sometimes that feels exciting but sometimes that feels a little overwhelming. Maybe the difference is, when thinking of changes in the future, you expect things will be somewhat in your control, but when you realize that anything can happen between now and then, if feels like chaos. I have been trying not to stress out about that, who knows what can and will happen. I like to daydream about getting into another field of work, getting a house that we are happy in, and someday retiring and feeling relaxed and happy. I do feel relaxed and happy sometimes but I foresee more of that in my future.
So yesterday at work I had a binge, and it has been a long time since that has happened. There was a birthday celebration and someone brought in coffee cake, mini chocolate chip muffins and some donuts. They were not the good,bakery-fresh donuts but the packaged ones with the waxy chocolate frosting. I had one donut around the noon hour, and wasn't scheduled to have a lunch break because my boss is on vacation, but my coworker came from another location by surprise and gave me a break. I had a salad that I brought the day before and I was not in the mood for it, but I decided I should eat it because it wasn't going to be fresh enough to eat the third day. So I ate my salad, it tasted fine, but my mind was whining for something tastier and I ended up non-stop eating for the entire half hour, I had two of everything. The rest of the afternoon my stomach felt HORRIBLE, so bloated and uncomfortably full. I am trying to think through what triggered it and I really don't have a good explanation, which is frustrating because I want to try and understand it so I can avoid it next time. One thing I do know is that my food this week has been very quasi-on track, and Memorial Day was a part of that. Since then, I haven't wanted salad or any of my planned meals (though I am still eating mostly planned stuff despite my mind protesting). I am bored with the healthy food and I want to taste the "forbidden" stuff.
To be fair, my focus hasn't really been on the food lately but on the mental health. Someone mentally healthy doesn't binge, so obviously there is more work to do. I did take a great deal of pleasure in being outside after work, it was so gorgeous out and being outside made me feel good. I also burned some sage and meditated, which relaxed me so much before bed and I slept so good.
I will put more thought into yesterday's incident, I believe I can figure out what drove me to that if I think about it some more. I think, in the past, I would have let it go as odd and figured today's a new day, but those goodies are still there waiting to be had, and other goodies will inevitably replace them soon too and if I don't have a control on my own triggers I will just eat uncontrollably.
Part of me is torn about the food. I have been thinking about keto again, realizing that a lot of the things I would not be able to eat are not things I eat a lot of now anyway. I have been also seeing so many people saying they have much more energy, which is something I feel in short supply of always. The other side of the coin is that, I do sometimes get to a point where thinking and focusing on food so much makes me crazy and then I want to rebel. I do know that I am not focused enough at the moment to do something, but I think I may change up the food for next week, shake things up with more fats and different carbs, and maybe dip my toes into keto for a bit. If it helps me lose weight a little faster, it will inspire me to pay more attention to the food. I haven't committed fully to the idea and will likely consult my husband (who is a bit of a nutrition guru) to see if someone my age (perimenopausal) should be taking in that much fat. It's an option. I do know that, despite my brain telling me it wants more carbs, they don't make me feel good, especially my digestive system! I am planning on getting a better probiotic supplement this weekend too, as I have just been taking Acidophilous which is great, but not a very complex probiotic. I have been reading a lot about how gut health affects so much of our body and systems.
Anyway, I wanted to hold myself accountable and write through the binge thing to see if it helped me figure out what was going on. I don't think I have it figured out yet, but I'm not going to give up trying to figure it out this time. I may write more about it if I figure it out, maybe it'll help someone else at some point.
The weekend is almost here, hooray! Happy Thursday!
Yesterday my husband sent me a message stating that it has been a strange week, and I guess it really has been. Medicine getting missed, schedules being off, kids are stressed out with the school year ending in 2 weeks...things are just not feeling super smooth this week. My husband is going through his own stuff with prioritizing his time which means pulling back from things that he has put a lot of energy into in the past few years, and managing personalities within that realm. He also has some major changes coming down the pipe at work. We are on the cusp of some transitions within the next few years, sometimes that feels exciting but sometimes that feels a little overwhelming. Maybe the difference is, when thinking of changes in the future, you expect things will be somewhat in your control, but when you realize that anything can happen between now and then, if feels like chaos. I have been trying not to stress out about that, who knows what can and will happen. I like to daydream about getting into another field of work, getting a house that we are happy in, and someday retiring and feeling relaxed and happy. I do feel relaxed and happy sometimes but I foresee more of that in my future.
So yesterday at work I had a binge, and it has been a long time since that has happened. There was a birthday celebration and someone brought in coffee cake, mini chocolate chip muffins and some donuts. They were not the good,bakery-fresh donuts but the packaged ones with the waxy chocolate frosting. I had one donut around the noon hour, and wasn't scheduled to have a lunch break because my boss is on vacation, but my coworker came from another location by surprise and gave me a break. I had a salad that I brought the day before and I was not in the mood for it, but I decided I should eat it because it wasn't going to be fresh enough to eat the third day. So I ate my salad, it tasted fine, but my mind was whining for something tastier and I ended up non-stop eating for the entire half hour, I had two of everything. The rest of the afternoon my stomach felt HORRIBLE, so bloated and uncomfortably full. I am trying to think through what triggered it and I really don't have a good explanation, which is frustrating because I want to try and understand it so I can avoid it next time. One thing I do know is that my food this week has been very quasi-on track, and Memorial Day was a part of that. Since then, I haven't wanted salad or any of my planned meals (though I am still eating mostly planned stuff despite my mind protesting). I am bored with the healthy food and I want to taste the "forbidden" stuff.
To be fair, my focus hasn't really been on the food lately but on the mental health. Someone mentally healthy doesn't binge, so obviously there is more work to do. I did take a great deal of pleasure in being outside after work, it was so gorgeous out and being outside made me feel good. I also burned some sage and meditated, which relaxed me so much before bed and I slept so good.
I will put more thought into yesterday's incident, I believe I can figure out what drove me to that if I think about it some more. I think, in the past, I would have let it go as odd and figured today's a new day, but those goodies are still there waiting to be had, and other goodies will inevitably replace them soon too and if I don't have a control on my own triggers I will just eat uncontrollably.
Part of me is torn about the food. I have been thinking about keto again, realizing that a lot of the things I would not be able to eat are not things I eat a lot of now anyway. I have been also seeing so many people saying they have much more energy, which is something I feel in short supply of always. The other side of the coin is that, I do sometimes get to a point where thinking and focusing on food so much makes me crazy and then I want to rebel. I do know that I am not focused enough at the moment to do something, but I think I may change up the food for next week, shake things up with more fats and different carbs, and maybe dip my toes into keto for a bit. If it helps me lose weight a little faster, it will inspire me to pay more attention to the food. I haven't committed fully to the idea and will likely consult my husband (who is a bit of a nutrition guru) to see if someone my age (perimenopausal) should be taking in that much fat. It's an option. I do know that, despite my brain telling me it wants more carbs, they don't make me feel good, especially my digestive system! I am planning on getting a better probiotic supplement this weekend too, as I have just been taking Acidophilous which is great, but not a very complex probiotic. I have been reading a lot about how gut health affects so much of our body and systems.
Anyway, I wanted to hold myself accountable and write through the binge thing to see if it helped me figure out what was going on. I don't think I have it figured out yet, but I'm not going to give up trying to figure it out this time. I may write more about it if I figure it out, maybe it'll help someone else at some point.
The weekend is almost here, hooray! Happy Thursday!
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