The Change

Over the course of the weekend, I started really feeling the effects of the small-but-meaningful changes I have been making.  All weekend I had a fantastic, weightless feeling as if I had been holding myself prisinor for years and finally realized that the door wasn't locked.  Some of the things that were different were:
  • I focused on my senses, which actually made me turn off some of the neverending stream of thoughts and the constant focus on tasks yet to tackle.  It was absolutely beautiful weather, everything was in bloom, the grass is so green that it looks like it's glowing when the sun hits it, birds were chirping happily and the sun was warming my bones!  I delighted in all my senses instead of letting so much of my attention be focused on other things.  It made me really appreciative of all of springs delights!
  • I gave myself permission to not stress out about something rather insignificant.  I took time to stop at a grave of someone I love and admire before church on Sunday.  Because I took a little longer at the grave, I ended up leaving town for church a little later than typical and my first instinct was to stress out over that, but I thought through it a little deeper and realized that we don't typically start right on time anyway and it really doesn't matter much if someone walks in late, I was still going to be there in time for the collection and to have lunch with good people that I enjoy being around.  So I let go of the stress I could have had and I felt so happy. 
  • I actively put in effort to connect with others.  This takes an act of letting go of pride for me, it is very unnatural.  I usually get along good with others, for the most part, but don't really strive to make a deeper connection.  On Friday, a girl that has been working in my office had her last day and we threw a little going-away potluck lunch.  I got her a small gift on my own and decided to write a little note to tell her how much I like her.  I told her she is so humble and sweet and beautiful and that I want to keep in touch.  I will connect on Facebook, which isn't the deepest connection, but she will have been the first receptionist that has left that I have connected with.  Also, at church, we have some dear friends who are going through so much, and I have both offered to help in any way possible (which, embarrasingly enough, is out of character for me) and I have hugged them a bunch to connect and show support.  It felt good to do all that and I think it is only going to get better and deeper with the connections we have at church.  It is a Spiritualist church, of which there are not many left in the U.S. so we odd-men-out have to stick together!
  • I did Yoga and stretching all weekend  I still have that catch in my back which is pulling on my hip a little.  The stretching helps a little, I know it just takes a few days to snap back into place.  The yoga makes my body feel good and I intend to keep doing it. 
  • I got my sons' room cleaned.  Clutter is one of the things that keeps me from feeling good.  Despite the physical labor, decluttering made me feel really good. 
  • I took a long walk with my older son on a beautiful path along the river.  The weather was beautiful.  I actually ended the day with 15,000 steps on my fitbit that day.  I was a little exhausted physically by the end of the day, but I felt great to have accomplished so much.
  • I decided not to let my husband's irritable mood effect me and even put a bright-side spin on something that he was putting a negative focus on.  I have a tendency to take it personally when my husband is in a irritable mood, but this time I decided not to.  I did my happy-making stuff and when he was irritated about something I was able to detach it from myself and just chalk it up to him being crabby, which has nothing to do with me.  I get crabby too somedays and it has nothing to do with him; that's just how life goes. 
I think, the biggest part of what made me feel good this weekend was that I PUT OUT POSITIVITY and that is what colored everything I did and experienced.  It's like The Secret coming true; what you put out you shall also receive.  I put out a happy vibe and I felt happy.   I didn't think about my weight or how awful a person I was for eating cheesy potatoes or eating the bun at the Memorial Day cookout, I just simply felt good; happy and gratful for every moment.  I have known that happiness is a choice, I have even attempted to fake it for short periods of time, but now I am actually feeling it and it is more amazing than anything else I could imagine. 


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