Freestyle for a Follower

Today was day 30 of the Yoga with Adriene 30 day challenge and it was named after the slogan that is now part of her identity, "Find what feels good" which loosly translates into freestyle!  Now there is a huge part of me that is a dutiful follower.  This is why I sometimes absolutely knock it out of the park when there is a structured plan to follow.  So when I get asked to lead something it always hits me with mixed feelings.  Today Adriene turned off her mic and told us to freestyle, do any poses, postures or balances we felt like doing to find what feels good for us.  I started by stretching out my lower back and then my shoulders which were a little stiff from yesterday's arm work. Then, I found my own flow.  All the while, Adriene was going through some moves on her own, so if you really don't like freestyle you could follow along with her, but I was having fun.  I eventually led myself to crow pose because I really want to get this move.  Today I held it for a full 3 seconds before I fell over, which made my wrists feel bad for a few minutes, but I bounced back.  It worried me enough to not go back at it to see if I could go longer, but I will keep working on it as I go along.
I found the Foundations of Flow video and it is roughly 20 minutes so I may do that tomorrow instead of heading into my next 30 day challenge, or I might move through it tonight so I am in a better position to start the next challenge right away tomorrow.  I will judge it by how I feel tonight, my shoulders and arms feel a little tired right now from all the stuff I did in my workout, and for having to carry two heavy bags of trash and recyclables to the farther-away trash bin because the disposal truck was at the close one.  My traps were burning hardcore by the time I got the bags to the dumpsters.  So I had a pretty big morning for my upper body.  Ha ha.  Life is harder than the yoga I have done so far. 
Today's fall from Crow was a bit of a reality check for me.  I want to push myself to do a bunch of new stuff, to challenge myself to see if I can do something I am not sure is within my current limits.  I like a challenge.  Water-drinking challenge, steps on my FitBit challenge, yoga challenge? Sign me up!  I like to prove that I can do something, that I have the drive that not everyone does.  I like to show off maybe, which ultimately probably means something deeper like I am craving attention and love that I feel was missing from my early life.  Ha ha.  Maybe all that is true, but for now I am focusing on the fact that I found something that is helping me to be stronger without feeling like I am torturing myself.  This is what I have been waiting for, I just always felt that you had to be really fit and flexible to start yoga and that is so not true!
I am happy to say that I am not currently having any cravings despite it being close to the start of my monthly.  That's huge!  I am making sure to eat when I feel the hunger signals, always making an effort to break away from a scheduled meal (except when I get my lunch break at work, I don't have control over that, and some days I don't even get coverage for lunch so I just eat in my back room while on the clock).  I used to struggle in the past with not eating by habit right when I get home at night, but now it is actually a time of day when I am physically hungry so it works out fine. 
I think I will weigh myself today or tonight and maybe take measurements and photos of myself before I start my next challenge.  Although I do place value in those methods of tracking progress, I see them as just a portion of the full picture.  I also measure progress by how I am feeling, my ability to do things like go up a set of stairs without sucking wind; how my clothes fit, and now for yoga, how much deeper a stretch I can get or how long I can hold a balance without falling; those sort of things matter more than a number on the scale.  I am not a huge fan of weighing, so I will only use that at the start and end of each challenge, just out of curiosity, so if I stick with this longterm, I can understand it's role in weight loss, if any.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that would happen, but even if the scale says 185 but my body is toned and strong and limber, I really don't care. 
Today is hot and humid and I saw a lady wearing a sporty tank top and her arms were toned and she looked natural and I thought about how nice it would be to not have to post things like I don't care what people think of my arms, I am going to go sleeveless anyway.  How nice it would be if I didn't even think about how my arms look in any outfit I wear.  I look forward to that time because I know if I keep up with the current flow of yoga and eating good, that will eventually happen.  How exciting is that?  Yes, I have a stomach that isn't nice to look at, but I am not the kind of person who envies those who bare their midrif so that would never be a goal of mine.  I can't say for sure because I have never had a show-off kind of stomach, but I believe that even if I had a flat stomach I probably wouldn't show it off all the time anyway.  Arms are different for me.  I love how bare arms feel on a hot summer day, so I can't wait until I don't think about how they look anymore. 
I feel really happy to be where I am at today, truly grateful.  I wish this for everyone.  Find that thing that makes you feel so good when you do it that you look forward to doing it the next day and the next until it becomes a part of who you are.  The rest falls into place, I promise!