Lived to Tell

Today was my first trial day getting up at 4:15 am to do yoga.  I slept a little less than optimal because I kept thinking I was going to miss my alarm and it would wake my husband up.  He normally gets up at 4:15 because he meditates before getting ready for his day, but today he is finally off after working the past 12 days in a row and I wanted to make sure he got good sleep. 
I felt a little jolted awake by the alarm and got ready quickly and unrolled my mat right away.  My dog was confused by it all, I usually spend the first 10-15 minutes awake petting him and he was trying to wedge himself under me for snuggles as I began.  The funny thing is-and I find this very endearing-many times when I am doing yoga instructor Adriene's dog Benji is on her mat or near her while she's doing it too.  She's really laid back about it and rarely makes the dog move unless he's really interfering with the move she wants to show us.  It's cute. 
Today's yoga (this is day 15) was called "Believe" and it was a bit of a joke because there was a move we were doing where one leg was down, one leg was stretched out and behind us and then we stretched our hands out behind us and she sang, "I believe I can Fly".  I like her goofy personality.  That pose was pretty wobbly for me and I really like the balancing poses because its an area that I need to improve at.  I know each time I do it that I will be  a little better next time until I will finally reach a point where I won't be wobbly and uncertain of my balance. I look forward not only to the time when I am there, but also to the journey leading up to that.  Adriene said the second half of this "True" series is going to be "dynamic" so I am ready for some challenging stuff!  I do like that she knows just when to calm it down and have a more gentle with our poor bodies!  I do absolutely need those days, and they seem to come right on time. She is good at what she does.
I intended to do some patio-sitting last night but my son wanted to interact and my dog wanted me to play with him, and by the time I got a chance to just release and relax it was already 8pm and I was feeling the effects of not sleeping enough so I did skip it. 
This morning, as I was bringing the dog out in the darker-than-I-remember-August-being I paused to look at some secondary leaves from the Linden trees that dot the property.  They have two sets of leaves and the smaller ones fall off starting in early August, which really makes autumn feel even closer.  The leaves looked particularly colorful this morning against the darkness and I embraced the visual moment.  I used to love Fall before I started dreading winter so much.  I do have sensory memories of that love, and I can tap into it if I allow myself to be in the moment instead of looking ahead with dread.  So that was my Present piece of my PPF.  My Past is a lot more recent, thinking back to last October when I went to Georgia to connect with cousins I'd lost touch with.  It was so wonderful to spend that time reconnecting and it really warms me thinking about it.  This girl who I am helping with the dad hunt has really reminded me about how I value my cousins.  This girl is definitely a cousin, we just have to see where she fits into our family.  I don't really care where she fits,I will embrace her as my cousin, but I know it must be hard for her not knowing her dad and his entire side of her family.  I hope it ends up being one of my well-behaved and big-hearted cousins who is the father, and not one of the troubled ones who ruin relationships and can't keep out of trouble.  At any rate, we have embraced each other and it is wonderful to welcome her to our family. For my Future, I count the early wake up as working on my future.  I plan to wake up early next week so that my body can adapt to what it is going to be like for the next nine months until the kids get summer break again.  Adriene said something about how awesome we are for showing up on the mat, making the time for ourselves and the commitment and even though it was early and I was working hard, I softened a little during that moment so that it could sink in.  I am doing a great thing for myself.  The reward is greater than 45 minutes more of sleep.  I can't think of a better gift to give myself. 
I am aware that there may be days where I just can't make that work, the over-busy days at the end of the year and beginning of the next, where people scramble to use their beneifts or flex spending dollars, I get really burnt-out and it does affect my whole life.  I won't try to make it a habit to skip the morning workout, but if I absolutely can't bring myself to do it in the morning, I can always make time for it in the evening, even if I have a bunch of other stuff to do.  I can make it a priority no matter what time of day I have available. And that is a renewed, fresh commitment to myself to strengthen myself for years to come.  I woke up early and did yoga, and I lived to tell about it.  Rock on, self!