This Body
Holy mama did Adriene kick my booty today! Yoga with Adriene, "True"day 13 was strength and harmony. Yesterday being "Center" we did a lot of core strength and she made us do this crazy move that kills my obliques (side abs) and guess what? Today we did a bunch more. I was so happy when it was over and now I feel my obliques and wonder if I've ever trained them in my life. It's a good kind of sore though so I'm trying not to complain. Today we also did some leg stuff that really got me breathing hard and my legs were shaking and she tells us to enjoy the shake and the hard breathing because we are alive. I wanted to be challenged and today did it. I do think all of this is going to make me much stronger, which will mean I can move with ease and less pain. Who doesn't want that?!
I keep putting off my little experiment of doing yoga in the evenings, partly out of habit, I have that extra half hour in my morning schedule and it would feel strange just wasting it so I hit the mat. Also, tonight I have extra stuff on my to-do list so it wouldn't be convenient to also fit yoga into the mix. I am starting to realize, as busy as my mornings tend to be during the school year, my evenings can be pretty busy too and there's the extra challenge of people needing attention or wanting to be in the living room but feeling odd about being in there while I'm doing all these Downward Dogs and such. It doesn't bother me, but I can tell they feel strange watching me do my yoga. So mornings make the most sense, I just have to get over the mental aspect of getting up earlier. So, I think for tomorrow and Friday I will set my alarm at 4:15am and get up and do my yoga and see how it feels. If I am simply too tired I will have to make time for it in the evenings, but I think I can make it work in the morning, and I think it will be smoother and set me up for feeling good the rest of the day.
In the evening as I am getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth and whatnot, I have been seeing the changes in my shoulders and collarbone, neck and face. That puts me at the strange place where I feel like I should almost be in some super-fit and thin place and then I look down at my belly and it makes me feel frustrated. This morning when I was getting dressed for work, I frowned at my stomach in the mirror and told myself I won't bother taking measurements when this 30 days is done because I don't think they will have changed. I am focusing too much on my reflection, and specifically on my stomach. I do know it has gotten smaller because clothes are looser, but my focus on it, despite all the good I am doing, is something I am trying to be mindful of by reminding myself what my intention was and is, to get/be stronger.
So the emotional attachment to some ideal body is still there for me, I am still thinking that being something other than what I am right now is somehow better. In feeling that way it's like it wipes out all the great things I am and do. This body that I don't like the look of, crushed a difficult yoga session today, helped a lot of people make informed decisions in purchasing their eyeglasses, and fixed many things today, met the needs of my dog and my kids and my husband, and brightened someone's day with compliments and pep talk. That's not something future, thinner, completely-fulfilled self did, I did that. I always try to instill in my kids that how you treat people matters way more than how you look, but I don't always buy it myself and that's a outright shame. And sometimes I really am not very nice to people either, so it's a lose-lose. This will be something I am going to start working on. The yoga is working on the body but I know I need to work on my mind and attitude more. I am trying to catch negative thoughts about myself and others as they happen and re-route them. It's not easy erasing years of habitual reactions but I think I will be so much happier if I put the work into this.
I can't believe its almost the weekend again! This one will be busy too, as it's one of the last weekends before school starts again, we will have some errands to do and will get the boys out somewhere for a fun day, and church on Sunday for my husband and me. It always feels like a lot, but we always have fun and the memories we make are really endearing.
I am thinking of refiring the Past, Present, Future practice because I think it helps me to be more present, to appreciate all the things that are going perfectly right in my life, and to re-examine the things I feel like were broken and look on them with fresh eyes. If you haven't been reading long, the PPF project is a daily practice where I work on focus on one thing from the past, with the intention of healing something that didn't feel good or remembering something that felt great; focus on the present, be aware of my senses and emotions and thoughts in a way that I can glean some insite from them or simply enjoy the sensations around me that I move through without notice, and focus on one thing that will make my future better. Right now, the yoga is the future, but as a double-bonus, doing PPF project is also something that helps my future. It doesn't take a whole bunch of time or effort but I seemed to let it leave my mind as soon as I dreamt it up, and I think it's time to revisit it. If I do it I will post about it.
I keep putting off my little experiment of doing yoga in the evenings, partly out of habit, I have that extra half hour in my morning schedule and it would feel strange just wasting it so I hit the mat. Also, tonight I have extra stuff on my to-do list so it wouldn't be convenient to also fit yoga into the mix. I am starting to realize, as busy as my mornings tend to be during the school year, my evenings can be pretty busy too and there's the extra challenge of people needing attention or wanting to be in the living room but feeling odd about being in there while I'm doing all these Downward Dogs and such. It doesn't bother me, but I can tell they feel strange watching me do my yoga. So mornings make the most sense, I just have to get over the mental aspect of getting up earlier. So, I think for tomorrow and Friday I will set my alarm at 4:15am and get up and do my yoga and see how it feels. If I am simply too tired I will have to make time for it in the evenings, but I think I can make it work in the morning, and I think it will be smoother and set me up for feeling good the rest of the day.
In the evening as I am getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth and whatnot, I have been seeing the changes in my shoulders and collarbone, neck and face. That puts me at the strange place where I feel like I should almost be in some super-fit and thin place and then I look down at my belly and it makes me feel frustrated. This morning when I was getting dressed for work, I frowned at my stomach in the mirror and told myself I won't bother taking measurements when this 30 days is done because I don't think they will have changed. I am focusing too much on my reflection, and specifically on my stomach. I do know it has gotten smaller because clothes are looser, but my focus on it, despite all the good I am doing, is something I am trying to be mindful of by reminding myself what my intention was and is, to get/be stronger.
So the emotional attachment to some ideal body is still there for me, I am still thinking that being something other than what I am right now is somehow better. In feeling that way it's like it wipes out all the great things I am and do. This body that I don't like the look of, crushed a difficult yoga session today, helped a lot of people make informed decisions in purchasing their eyeglasses, and fixed many things today, met the needs of my dog and my kids and my husband, and brightened someone's day with compliments and pep talk. That's not something future, thinner, completely-fulfilled self did, I did that. I always try to instill in my kids that how you treat people matters way more than how you look, but I don't always buy it myself and that's a outright shame. And sometimes I really am not very nice to people either, so it's a lose-lose. This will be something I am going to start working on. The yoga is working on the body but I know I need to work on my mind and attitude more. I am trying to catch negative thoughts about myself and others as they happen and re-route them. It's not easy erasing years of habitual reactions but I think I will be so much happier if I put the work into this.
I can't believe its almost the weekend again! This one will be busy too, as it's one of the last weekends before school starts again, we will have some errands to do and will get the boys out somewhere for a fun day, and church on Sunday for my husband and me. It always feels like a lot, but we always have fun and the memories we make are really endearing.
I am thinking of refiring the Past, Present, Future practice because I think it helps me to be more present, to appreciate all the things that are going perfectly right in my life, and to re-examine the things I feel like were broken and look on them with fresh eyes. If you haven't been reading long, the PPF project is a daily practice where I work on focus on one thing from the past, with the intention of healing something that didn't feel good or remembering something that felt great; focus on the present, be aware of my senses and emotions and thoughts in a way that I can glean some insite from them or simply enjoy the sensations around me that I move through without notice, and focus on one thing that will make my future better. Right now, the yoga is the future, but as a double-bonus, doing PPF project is also something that helps my future. It doesn't take a whole bunch of time or effort but I seemed to let it leave my mind as soon as I dreamt it up, and I think it's time to revisit it. If I do it I will post about it.
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