Standing Up
I think I am beginning to realize what is going on with my mood. It hit me at 3:30am when my upstairs neighbors were noisily (ahem!) "exercising" and I was so very pissed off that I was being forced to be awake at that hour. I'm sick of letting people walk all over me, use me, assume that I will be the laid back person I have always been while inside I feel violated and even abused at times. I'm. Sick. Of. It. Maybe this is why women going through menopause are so crabby all the time, not because the hormones (although I don't discount it) but because the years of allowing people to claim our space, decide how our day is going to go, even tell us what we should and shouldn't do to raise our kids, get a figure that others will deem attractive, work in and at a job that deems us "worthy", and just plain people-please add up until the point where we have just plain had enough.
I have been thinking about this more lately as my work stress spills over into my life. I settle for less than I should so often because I want to be helpful, dutiful, loving and loved but it comes at the compromise of my mental health among other things. I find myself just trying to stay afloat instead of really manifesting a joyful, peaceful life. I'm OK, really I am, but I'm not great and that is because I never stand up for myself, my needs.
My neighbor, when she moved in, introduced herself and gave us her number, stating that she is a part-time mom and if the kids are ever being too loud to let her know. We have let almost everything go (save a loud party they were having after 11pm on a weeknight), and as I lay awake still at 4am I decided I will not stand for this. The precious few hours of sleep we get at night are everything, and without them it is torture trying to get through the day at a job where I have to be so very accommodating to people who dump all of their complaints on me, expect me to fix their eyes somehow (I am not a doctor or a magician) ask questions without listening to the answer, and ask me to give them measurements so they can buy their glasses online. Oh, I get some nice, easy to work with people but overwhelmingly there is a lot of entitlement attitude coming out of people. So today I will text her and let her know that the paper-think ceiling/floor, through which we can hear them talking even, is making it so we have to ask them to limit their activities to more sane hours so they don't wake us up. It is going to be another 4 years before we can move and I simply cannot stand for someone else waking me unwillingly just because they are frisky. I'm hoping they will be horrified to learn that we can hear everything and that will halt the middle-of-the-night romps. If not, I do not have a problem reporting it to management. I deserve to sleep peacefully. I will take what I am owed. I don't care if it causes friction between us, I'm to the point where I am going to stand up for my needs even if it causes people to be put-out by me. That's what others have been doing to me for years and I'm tired of carrying that; it's someone else's turn.
Not completely related, but somewhat, a couple weeks ago I had a customer who is very meek. This drives me nuts a little and I don't know why. Normal, not-stressed-out me would be patient and extra kind to show them it is OK to need time to figure things out. But stressed out me pushed her into a $1,400 sale, the best lenses available with the best coatings. We were having a BOGO sale and she bought two pair and as I was ringing it up I got the feeling she really didn't want to spend that much on glasses, but she was too meek even to say she didn't want to, so she went ahead with it. In my head I was thinking that if she is too meek to speak up and stand up for herself, she is getting two awesome pair of glasses and I am going to sell the crap out of them and she is going to love them. Maybe that's when my brain started to shift a bit. I don't have to be all soft and subserviant, I can put my needs ahead of others too, I can play the same game others play. When you are accommodating and meek people will have their way with you. In this case, it was a win-win scenario because she got glasses that not only looked great but she could see better than she had in years, and I got a nice commission on that sale.
So maybe that's where I am, moreso than irritable; I've just simply had enough of people's demands. I get it coming at me from all directions, friends making me feel bad for not visiting, my family expecting me to run the entire show and not forget anything, my mom wanting to consume hours of my time whenever I just send a simple text to say hello, even people on genealogy sites wanting me to do a bunch of detective work to see how we're related or help them fill in their family tree. I guess you have to get to a pretty crazy place to really feel the need to make a change in how you let people treat you. I am there. My mental health depends on this now. It's something I needed to do so long ago, but I didn't have the self-esteem to do it back then, I felt I didn't deserve to speak up for myself. I know better now.
I skipped yoga this morning, opting to get an extra half hour of sleep to make up for some of what was lost. I will get through today fine I'm sure, but I won't let what happened slide. Watch out for the new me, she doesn't mess around! Perimenopause or not, this woman is standing up!
I have been thinking about this more lately as my work stress spills over into my life. I settle for less than I should so often because I want to be helpful, dutiful, loving and loved but it comes at the compromise of my mental health among other things. I find myself just trying to stay afloat instead of really manifesting a joyful, peaceful life. I'm OK, really I am, but I'm not great and that is because I never stand up for myself, my needs.
My neighbor, when she moved in, introduced herself and gave us her number, stating that she is a part-time mom and if the kids are ever being too loud to let her know. We have let almost everything go (save a loud party they were having after 11pm on a weeknight), and as I lay awake still at 4am I decided I will not stand for this. The precious few hours of sleep we get at night are everything, and without them it is torture trying to get through the day at a job where I have to be so very accommodating to people who dump all of their complaints on me, expect me to fix their eyes somehow (I am not a doctor or a magician) ask questions without listening to the answer, and ask me to give them measurements so they can buy their glasses online. Oh, I get some nice, easy to work with people but overwhelmingly there is a lot of entitlement attitude coming out of people. So today I will text her and let her know that the paper-think ceiling/floor, through which we can hear them talking even, is making it so we have to ask them to limit their activities to more sane hours so they don't wake us up. It is going to be another 4 years before we can move and I simply cannot stand for someone else waking me unwillingly just because they are frisky. I'm hoping they will be horrified to learn that we can hear everything and that will halt the middle-of-the-night romps. If not, I do not have a problem reporting it to management. I deserve to sleep peacefully. I will take what I am owed. I don't care if it causes friction between us, I'm to the point where I am going to stand up for my needs even if it causes people to be put-out by me. That's what others have been doing to me for years and I'm tired of carrying that; it's someone else's turn.
Not completely related, but somewhat, a couple weeks ago I had a customer who is very meek. This drives me nuts a little and I don't know why. Normal, not-stressed-out me would be patient and extra kind to show them it is OK to need time to figure things out. But stressed out me pushed her into a $1,400 sale, the best lenses available with the best coatings. We were having a BOGO sale and she bought two pair and as I was ringing it up I got the feeling she really didn't want to spend that much on glasses, but she was too meek even to say she didn't want to, so she went ahead with it. In my head I was thinking that if she is too meek to speak up and stand up for herself, she is getting two awesome pair of glasses and I am going to sell the crap out of them and she is going to love them. Maybe that's when my brain started to shift a bit. I don't have to be all soft and subserviant, I can put my needs ahead of others too, I can play the same game others play. When you are accommodating and meek people will have their way with you. In this case, it was a win-win scenario because she got glasses that not only looked great but she could see better than she had in years, and I got a nice commission on that sale.
So maybe that's where I am, moreso than irritable; I've just simply had enough of people's demands. I get it coming at me from all directions, friends making me feel bad for not visiting, my family expecting me to run the entire show and not forget anything, my mom wanting to consume hours of my time whenever I just send a simple text to say hello, even people on genealogy sites wanting me to do a bunch of detective work to see how we're related or help them fill in their family tree. I guess you have to get to a pretty crazy place to really feel the need to make a change in how you let people treat you. I am there. My mental health depends on this now. It's something I needed to do so long ago, but I didn't have the self-esteem to do it back then, I felt I didn't deserve to speak up for myself. I know better now.
I skipped yoga this morning, opting to get an extra half hour of sleep to make up for some of what was lost. I will get through today fine I'm sure, but I won't let what happened slide. Watch out for the new me, she doesn't mess around! Perimenopause or not, this woman is standing up!
Good luck with the neighbor situation!
ReplyDeleteThanks! It's not like me to be confrontational but I have to push myself outside my comfort zone if I expect anything to change.
Delete