Rollercoaster
The weekend was somewhat tough for me to get through and I am noticing my mood is pretty foul right now. Could be that the weather dropped from 60 degrees to 30 with wind and rain/sleet junk which always makes me a little grouchy.
Saturday was a busy busy day, but I did sneak in my 40 minute yoga session. More on that later. Saturday was a day where a lot of little things went wrong and each one piled on top of my already frustrated pile of moodiness. I can't even blame this on hormones unless there are some nasty ones that come around right after the main event??? I was frustrated and crabby, and it ended with me re-twisting my already swollen ankle and tears over frustration that my dog wouldn't go potty and my fingers were numb fromt the cold and everything hurt from being on my feet a million hours. Ugh. I just wanted to numb myself with some mindless TV. Everyone loved the soup I made for dinner that night, German Cabbage with sausage soup, and it was tasty enough I just felt so irritable that day. It was one of those days where if it could drop, spill, cut me, fall/tip over or trip me, it did. I was so happy when, around 8pm, I finally got to sit down to relax a little. The reason Saturday took the brunt of the work is because I had church on Sunday, and that is approximately a 6-hour ordeal when all is said and done, and with a 40 minute commute home after I usually feel pretty wiped out afterword and don't feel like doing a bunch of chores and whatnot. As much as I enjoy going, I am really looking forward to the winter months when the church is closed and I can have more relaxing Sundays!
I am noticing how out of balance I am right now, mentally and physically. My hurting ankle makes me limp, my food choices have been making my stomach feel unsettled, I have been taking in a ton of salt, and mentally I just feel so off-kilter; it's like I am mad and sad and I don't know why. I really hope this isn't how menopause is going to feel. I don't like how irritable I am and how easily I get frustrated and then I want to cry. Yikes! I do know that a lot of the chaos revolves around my job and how stressed out I am right now (burnt out might be a better term, but they go hand in hand sometimes). I have been thinking of switching careers but boy, I just don't know if I have the energy to do that right now. So I'm stuck here in a job that certain things will always come up and get under my skin. (Public service announcement, if you want to order your glasses online, do not insult your local optician by asking them to give you your measurements for free so you can take business-and commissions- away from them. Have some common decency and look up how to measure this yourself). I have worked in this field for almost 19 years, have heard the same things over and over, have said the same things over and over, have to listen to people complain about everything under the sun, and basically have to be the problem solver/fixer for everyone I see. Yes, there are good/rewarding things about the job, but when you are so in need of a break it's hard to see those things. My time will come. I just need to blow off a little steam!
At my son's physical therapy session this morning, I got a little frustrated with him too. He has been codled by me since he was born. He is the one who was always more affectionate and tender and has more issues with motor skills, so it makes me feel like I have to protect him from the harsh world a little more. Now he's 14, towers over me and he's overweight and every thing he does hurts him. Walking hurts his back and ankles, sitting too long in the car hurts his back, etc. He does not like to push himself in the least. I will say, when he was younger, he was fearless and he hurt himself frequently. Sometimes I wonder if those injuries healed right before he was off jumping off something else or throwing his body around like he was a ragdoll. Anyway, today they were pushing him with his workout and he didn't like how that made his body feel. He was worried he would get to school and be out of energy. They made him balance on a board and he said it hurt his leg muscles and I said, "Yes, it will strengthen those muscles so they can do the work instead of having your ankles hurt when you walk." When we got in the car, he started to cry, saying he was just really uncomfortable. We had a different therapist helping us today, and he didn't like the room we were in and he didn't like that the exercises made his body feel uncomfortable. I explained to him that in order to move past the stuff you don't like sometimes you really have to work hard for it. Then I thought about how I haven't really done that myself and I felt like crying with him. It's hard to tell yourself you need to work harder when you already feel like you need a break. In the end, my son agreed to give it another try next week, and if it's too intense we will think about doing some water exercise or put it off until next summer, in hopes that we can make progress at a time when he's not missing class and having the extra burden of having to catch up on schoolwork. We can do some exercises at home and I'm sure the chiropractor could give us some things we can do too. It was a nice reminder to myself, not just that you have to work for what you want, but also that there's more than one way to get there.
I have 8 more days of this yoga series (Yoga Camp on the Yoga with Adriene YouTube channel) and I may take a break from Adriene for a bit. I really liked the first 30-day series I did of hers but now I feel like, after doing three 30-day series, there is so much of it that's the same moves over and over, day after day, I am looking for the spark of fun that I felt when yoga was new to me. It could very well be mindset, back then the kids were on summer break, the sun rose earlier and I used my extra freetime to do the yoga. Now I get up at 4:15 to do it and it's dark as midnight out and I still have to rush around to get everyone and everything ready after.
I did write down some things that I feel could help me get back in better mental balance. I have done this before and didn't follow through, but I want to give it another go. Some things on the list include meditation, reading, and mantras/affirmations. I also know its getting time to use my Happy Light lamp, to simulate sunlight that really does seem to help my mood some.
So I guess these days that have felt not so good can definitely be turned around, this is just life showing me that the things I'm doing right now aren't really working for me. That's the rollercoaster of life though, what goes down eventually comes back up, and I'm in this ride for the duration.
Saturday was a busy busy day, but I did sneak in my 40 minute yoga session. More on that later. Saturday was a day where a lot of little things went wrong and each one piled on top of my already frustrated pile of moodiness. I can't even blame this on hormones unless there are some nasty ones that come around right after the main event??? I was frustrated and crabby, and it ended with me re-twisting my already swollen ankle and tears over frustration that my dog wouldn't go potty and my fingers were numb fromt the cold and everything hurt from being on my feet a million hours. Ugh. I just wanted to numb myself with some mindless TV. Everyone loved the soup I made for dinner that night, German Cabbage with sausage soup, and it was tasty enough I just felt so irritable that day. It was one of those days where if it could drop, spill, cut me, fall/tip over or trip me, it did. I was so happy when, around 8pm, I finally got to sit down to relax a little. The reason Saturday took the brunt of the work is because I had church on Sunday, and that is approximately a 6-hour ordeal when all is said and done, and with a 40 minute commute home after I usually feel pretty wiped out afterword and don't feel like doing a bunch of chores and whatnot. As much as I enjoy going, I am really looking forward to the winter months when the church is closed and I can have more relaxing Sundays!
I am noticing how out of balance I am right now, mentally and physically. My hurting ankle makes me limp, my food choices have been making my stomach feel unsettled, I have been taking in a ton of salt, and mentally I just feel so off-kilter; it's like I am mad and sad and I don't know why. I really hope this isn't how menopause is going to feel. I don't like how irritable I am and how easily I get frustrated and then I want to cry. Yikes! I do know that a lot of the chaos revolves around my job and how stressed out I am right now (burnt out might be a better term, but they go hand in hand sometimes). I have been thinking of switching careers but boy, I just don't know if I have the energy to do that right now. So I'm stuck here in a job that certain things will always come up and get under my skin. (Public service announcement, if you want to order your glasses online, do not insult your local optician by asking them to give you your measurements for free so you can take business-and commissions- away from them. Have some common decency and look up how to measure this yourself). I have worked in this field for almost 19 years, have heard the same things over and over, have said the same things over and over, have to listen to people complain about everything under the sun, and basically have to be the problem solver/fixer for everyone I see. Yes, there are good/rewarding things about the job, but when you are so in need of a break it's hard to see those things. My time will come. I just need to blow off a little steam!
At my son's physical therapy session this morning, I got a little frustrated with him too. He has been codled by me since he was born. He is the one who was always more affectionate and tender and has more issues with motor skills, so it makes me feel like I have to protect him from the harsh world a little more. Now he's 14, towers over me and he's overweight and every thing he does hurts him. Walking hurts his back and ankles, sitting too long in the car hurts his back, etc. He does not like to push himself in the least. I will say, when he was younger, he was fearless and he hurt himself frequently. Sometimes I wonder if those injuries healed right before he was off jumping off something else or throwing his body around like he was a ragdoll. Anyway, today they were pushing him with his workout and he didn't like how that made his body feel. He was worried he would get to school and be out of energy. They made him balance on a board and he said it hurt his leg muscles and I said, "Yes, it will strengthen those muscles so they can do the work instead of having your ankles hurt when you walk." When we got in the car, he started to cry, saying he was just really uncomfortable. We had a different therapist helping us today, and he didn't like the room we were in and he didn't like that the exercises made his body feel uncomfortable. I explained to him that in order to move past the stuff you don't like sometimes you really have to work hard for it. Then I thought about how I haven't really done that myself and I felt like crying with him. It's hard to tell yourself you need to work harder when you already feel like you need a break. In the end, my son agreed to give it another try next week, and if it's too intense we will think about doing some water exercise or put it off until next summer, in hopes that we can make progress at a time when he's not missing class and having the extra burden of having to catch up on schoolwork. We can do some exercises at home and I'm sure the chiropractor could give us some things we can do too. It was a nice reminder to myself, not just that you have to work for what you want, but also that there's more than one way to get there.
I have 8 more days of this yoga series (Yoga Camp on the Yoga with Adriene YouTube channel) and I may take a break from Adriene for a bit. I really liked the first 30-day series I did of hers but now I feel like, after doing three 30-day series, there is so much of it that's the same moves over and over, day after day, I am looking for the spark of fun that I felt when yoga was new to me. It could very well be mindset, back then the kids were on summer break, the sun rose earlier and I used my extra freetime to do the yoga. Now I get up at 4:15 to do it and it's dark as midnight out and I still have to rush around to get everyone and everything ready after.
I did write down some things that I feel could help me get back in better mental balance. I have done this before and didn't follow through, but I want to give it another go. Some things on the list include meditation, reading, and mantras/affirmations. I also know its getting time to use my Happy Light lamp, to simulate sunlight that really does seem to help my mood some.
So I guess these days that have felt not so good can definitely be turned around, this is just life showing me that the things I'm doing right now aren't really working for me. That's the rollercoaster of life though, what goes down eventually comes back up, and I'm in this ride for the duration.
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