With my kids at their grandma's house for the week, it should follow that I have had a fantastic week of getting things done, but the exact opposite is true. In fact, whenever my kids are gone, my mind goes into irresponsible mode and I give myself a free pass to slack on diet and exercise. Not that I've gone off the deep end, but this week has not been exemplary of the kind of changes that helped me lose seventy pounds over the past few years.
I was so disgusted by what I ate last Sunday, and how it made me feel, that I thought I would be squeaky clean for a long time. I envisioned myself doing extra cardio all week, and really watching the numbers fall off the scale. But on Monday, when my husband started to fantasize about eating yet another cheat meal, the devil on my shoulder came around like the comfortable, old friend I was so accustomed to appeasing my whole life, and I started to raise a naughty eyebrow and say, "yeah, let's do it! One more, and then we'll be good all week." But my husband, instigator though he may be, has more of a food conscience than I do. He has a photo shoot for a modeling agency this weekend, so he is trying to get his already-perfect physique even leaner for the shoot. After waiting a few hours for him to decide whether or not we were going to indulge, he decided not to, and boy did that do a number on me mentally! I went ahead and ate my greek yogurt with blueberries (which tasted phenomenal by the way) and sulked a bit, all the while planning a solo cheat meal the following day at work. I did good at work that day, eating my planned food all day, and reminding myself that I took myself off the cholesterol meds, that I don't need to be creating the same health issues I just rid myself of, defeating myself and nullifying my work. That only worked for so long before the indulgence came. I was feeding my mind, which was acting like a spoiled brat for not getting what it wanted. And once again, I told myself afterword that I would go right back on plan now that I'd gotten what I wanted. Because I didn't cook for myself that night, I also didn't cook a lunch for myself for the following day (Wednesday), but brought some turkey hot dogs with me to work, so I'd have something. They are South Beach Diet approved, so I felt OK with that. But, a sales rep brought lunch from Panera, a local bread/sandwhich shop. There were turkey sandwhiches on focaccia bread, which I ate, and I also had a huge chocolate macadamia cookie and a healthy serving of chicken and fruit salad, which in reality, should have been the only thing I ate. The rest of the day I ate clean, and repeated (without the cookie and chicken salad) yesterday. Today, I am finally going to eat those turkey dogs I brought for lunch two days ago.
I think I have indeed been a lot more active with my kids gone, at least. My husband and I have been going for extra walks, exploring new trails or just around the neighborhood. And though I skipped my cardio yesterday morning, when I got home, it was perfect weather, and I knocked it out while my husband was at the gym. I am so homesick for my kids, and can't wait to see them. I wonder if some of my eating issues are for comfort from missing them so much when they are gone. At any rate, I pick them up tomorrow morning, so everything will go back to normal. We found a fantastic babysitter who has experience working with special needs kids, so we are breathing a sigh of relief as we begin yet another new chapter. Plus, we finally hired another optician at work, so help will be on the way soon. Everything is coming together nicely.
Life is pretty amazing. When you are in the middle of the cabbage, it seems so hard to understand, but it all seems to work itself out on the other side. I'm looking forward to cleaning up my act and exerting myself more, and in time, seeing more positive results.
Hope you are all geared up for a fantastic weekend! Thanks for reading.