Last week did a number on me, stress-wise, and Friday ended up being where the whole thing fell apart on me a little bit. I was in great spirits, ready to be successful and put my knowledge to use, I was in my own store again and ready to clean up all the messy situations that had been left for me by the non-opticians who filled in at my office while I was covering the other office. And about halfway through my day, just before my scheduled lunch, I got a call demanding (by a supervisor other than my own) that I go to the other location because it was so busy that the technicians were being pulled from their ever-important positions to cover optical. I was so stressed out, and I knew it, but I still went for the food for comfort, stopping at McDonalds on my way to the other store. I don't think I even tasted it, I literally inhaled it. And, I didn't make a single sale the whole time I was there, and only helped about 4 people with slight adjustments or answering questions. What a waste of time and stress.
Later that evening, my family wanted to go to (you can almost guess it, right?) McDonalds, so I ate there again, so my husband wouldn't think anything was funny that I wasn't eating a cheat meal with him. I was ashamed to tell him I had an unplanned cheat meal. That meal was complete with a rolo mcflurry ice cream treat, which was absolutely dreamy. My body was feeling a little unappreciative after that, and I knew I didn't need McD's for a long time after that.
Then Saturday came and my husband felt like having another cheat meal, and of course I am still under the influence of those same hormonal imbalances, so I agreed. This time, at our favorite sit-down restaurant, and I had a bbq chicken sandwich and mashed potatoes. And of course, I ate a bunch of chips and salsa.
On Sunday, we took the kids to the amusement park in Green Bay, and as we were about to finish up around dinner time, my husband said, "This would have been a perfect day to go to dinner afterword." I simply said, "Yeah, that would have been cool." I didn't want to lead him on and give him the impression that I thought it would be OK to do that, financially or calorically.
It was hard for me to focus and stay on track on Sunday, but I did, if only out of sheer force. I knew if I didn't stop somewhere, I would keep spiralling and then, where would it end? With me being obese again, and back on meds.
Yesterday a physical issue kept me from working out, and I worked a long 10.5 hour day, but thankfully I was back at my own store. This physical issue left me with no appetite, but I was happy to note that my metabolism was hot and kept me aware of when it was time to eat. On my way to work yesterday, I saw a man running, and on his shirt it said, "Go the distance". That was a split-second inspiration, and I needed that. It reminded me that I am doing fine. These little slips in resolve and eating are little hiccups in the road to where I am going. Soon enough, I will be remembering them from a different vantage point, and realize that though I'm not proud of them, and know what too many of them will do to my health, they are not going to make or break me. Everyone goes through phases of not treating their body like a temple, and that being said, it wouldn't be normal to eat squeaky clean 100% of the time. I will just be more careful to be there a lot more often than I was last weekend.
The reunion is less than 3 weeks away, and I have made little progress. I am hoping this is the week where I can finally commit to all the exercise I have in mind, cardio every morning and either weight or cardio after work. I know in the end, that I will look just like I do now, which is satisfactory for said event, but mentally I will feel much stronger if I make an extra push right now. And as I have always believed, we have to be inspiration to and of ourselves, because that is where the most potent form of drive comes from.
With the contest drawing to a close in mere days, I visited the website, looking to see when to submit "after" photos, and it said the contest was closed and winners would be announced shortly. That was a bit of a "thanks for playing" feel, but for what I gained by having that to push me toward my goal, I have already won! I may enter the next one, which should begin in August, and I would have an entire year to get those last 20-or-so pounds off and tone up. That would be a much more achievable goal. For me to be sitting here, realizing I only have 20'ish extra pounds to lose, is amazing!!! And it makes me begin my otherwise-ordinary Tuesday feeling like Wonder Woman. Well, minus the hideous outfit. And that, my dear friends, is how I am going to make lemonade from these lemons.
Happy Tuedsay readers! Hope its a wonder!