Waiting for news is tough. In my case, yesterday was the day I found out the results of my MRI scan, and it meant I was going to find out something truly was wrong with my knee, or that I just had a $4,000 test done for old fat lady syndrome. I was mentally arguing with myself all morning thinking, you should have waited to see if it got better, then I thought, it has been swollen and weak for 3 mos, and I haven't been able to squat down for a year.
Waiting to be called into the doctors office was torturous and my heart began to race a little. When they called my name I just about launched out of my chair thinking, finally some answers. They put me in a room and brought up my MRI images while I waited for the orthopedic doctor. As I looked at one of them I thought, what are those white specks? And I immediately hoped it wasn't rheumatoid arthritis, but I also had no idea what I was looking at. The doctor physically examined my knee, noticed some swelling still there despite the cortisone shot, them began going through the images with me. This looks good, that looks good, no arthritis...you have torn cartilage and a Baker's cyst about the size of a strawberry at the back of the knee. He explained that I would need surgery once the cortisone shot wears off, that the cartilage is not repairable because of its location, but that he needs to get the damaged stuff out. There are also signs of wear on the back side of the kneecap. He said he may be able to do simething about that while he's in there. After describing the procedure and the 4 -6 weeks off of work, he carefully approached the final bit of the radiologist's report. He zoomed in on my bone marrow and I saw those funny white specks/streaks that caught my eye before. The radiologist noted this discoloration as "changes in the marrow" of which the meaning was "medically uncertain". In other words, my bone marrow is changing, and they aren't clear as to why. My orthopedic doc said it could be as simple as my using the leg differently than I normally would, that it was probably a good sign that it was in both bones instead of just one, but that if I was concerned about it, that we could repeat another MRI in 6 months. I don't think I heard another word after that. I spent the rest of my day in nausea, thinking about my changing marrow and what that could mean. Then I thought about my earlier post, whining about not being able to run, and how insignificant it all was now. It was hard to even keep my head in eating healthy, as my first instinct was to comfort eat, but I stuck to healthy stuff, and just ate until I felt full and warm. I chose not to dwell on what could be and focus on the inevitable, I need surgery, and I need to come up with a plan to keep my head in the game so I don't end up in a really bad place when the knee is healed and I can be active again. I will be on crutches, so that's an instant upper body workout, right? And I'll be able to train abs and maybe do a little couch-dancing while no one's watching. At the end of the day, I have to focus on the positives. The knee is fixable and I bet my quality of life will be much improved after I get it dealt with. And no matter what that bone marrow business comes down to, I've got the best people around me to help me through whatever may come.
Happy Friday friends.