Today I got a little bit of my fire back. I don't pretend to know why or how, but I had the energy to have a great cardio session and perform my physical therapy strongly, including trying and retrying lunges until I could get my knee to feel OK with it, and my right quad to not feel like it was going to tear. I finally conquered the lunges, and that was a great feeling. I wanted to give up and not do them, but I talked myself into modifying it and retrying until I could at least get some reps out. That was important for me to do, in order to overcome a mental barrier. It was a turning point, of sorts. I had the choice to believe that I just don't have what it takes, or to believe that any amount I can do will be helpful and will start to help those muscles to strengthen. In time, if I am consistent, I will be able to do those silly lunges with immaculate form, and I will be happy I didn't give up.
So many things have been happening around me, making my emotions swing wildly, and I am starting to make small connections with the mental roadblocks that are caused by negative feelings, even if they do not pertain to the task at hand. The tornado in OK made me feel so depressed, coordinating schedules for my work, Dr. appointments for myself and my kids and all the school activities my kids want me to attend, has been really stressful; I found out I was chosen for a scholarship from my work, which made me ecstatic, and then a really bad apartment fire a block from my kids school displaced 109 people yesterday, it made my whole family so sad. All of these things effect my energy level. And that's not to excuse the physical issues, the ache in my knee, my plantar fasciitis, my sore, weak muscles, sinus pressure (I think I have seasonal allergies), scratchy burning eyes no matter how much sleep I get...etc. I am a mess right now. And I have been eating carelessly the past few days, and trying to figure out what I am trying to soothe or kill.
Still a lot more to think about and work through, but I think I can get this back to a good place. I was thinking about doing some sort of detox or reset period, but I will need to do a little more research. A 5-day reboost of eating and drinking only fruits and veggies might do me some good. I still want sweets way too much and I still rebel against veggies, and I'm kind of lazy when it comes to food, I want stuff that is quick and tastes good. Sigh. I am working things out. Every weekend I scour over recipes to try and find stuff that is good enough to not just keep me eating it, but make me crave it. It's tough.
My family has decided to march against Monsanto tomorrow, which will the first time I've ever participated in a protest. I think it will be good to show my kids to stand up for what they believe in. Monsanto has been poisoning us for years, and are making themselves filthy rich in the process. Their genetically-modified foods are causing changes in our DNA and what diseases come about via genetic mutations? Cancers, Autism, Alzheimer's to name a few. Anyway, I'll get off my soap box and just keep fighting the good fight. Now I will eat my vegan, organic, GMO-free crispy chicken strips. And bonus! No connective tissue!
Hope you have an enjoyable weekend and for those of you who celebrate, Happy Memorial Day!