The Answer was Right in Front of me
Lately I have been focused on so many things with my body, but since I'm newly diagnosed with hypothyroid, energy levels have been one of the top things on my mind. I can honestly say, the first couple weeks of starting medicine I felt so good, I had a ton of energy, weight was coming off, I felt like I was dreaming because I was wondering if I'd ever feel that way again. I was starting to resign myself to feeling sluggish, heavy-limbed and sore all the time. I was starting to empathize with the elderly who often complain of a multitude of aches and pains. I am only 45.
After the first couple weeks, though, I started to feel sluggish and wonder where that fantastic gift of energy had gone. I must need a higher dose, I thought to myself, and insisted on having my thyroid retested sooner than the prescriber recommended. My thyroid, on the current dose, has stabalized and I began to feel a little defeated, one of the masses of those whose thyroid is "normal" but still has symptoms. Then I got put on blood pressure medicine and I started taking things more seriously because with the stuff going on inside my body/blood (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, blood sugars on the high end of normal, kidney function on the high end of normal) I know where I was heading if I didn't make some changes. I don't want any of those things, yet I put myself in the position I was in.
The changes I made had a positive effect on my energy level too, cutting way back on processed sugars, cutting back on sodium, and cutting dramatically back on caffeine. To my surprise, I am doing really well with the caffeine, and I honestly feel that cutting back on that was the most dramatic, positive change in energy for me. Seems illogical but I know it probably has to do with the adrenals, which can get fatigued from excessive caffeine intake.
Still, I was longing to have that go-all-day, getting-stuff-done kind of energy that seems to be missing from my life. It makes me feel young and darn near omnipotent.
Today as I was walking my dog around the conservancy, my hips were snapping and hurting, the joints are so miserable right now. The fact that I stood up to do dishes and also took trash out last night, meant that by the time I sat down my hips were in agony. Sleeping irritates them, walking irritates them, sitting too long makes them stiff...my hips are in a sad sad state! I thought again about going to the chiropractor I bring my son to for his scoliosis. He is a huge muscle guy, but he's really personable, but there is that shame in being so big, but he was also overweight at one point. Then I started to think of doubling our bills and it made me a little mad at myself that I think I need a doctor to tell me how to fix this, when I already know what they'll say...exercise. Strength training on the lower body, the core, so that the muscles support the tendons so they stop snapping around. My glutes and hips are so weak and I know I am using the wrong stuff to support myself. I thought about doing squats and how that hurts my bad knee, then when I started to see about doing squats, I noticed that my bad knee wants to turn in when I start squatting, which is a sign of a weak hip according to the physical therapist who helped me rehab my knee. So trying to force squats or lunges is a really bad idea and can lead to damage so that's not an option at this point. The best low-impact thing I could think of was to hop on my stationary bike and just see what happens. This was the reason we bought the (expensive and obtrusive) thing in the first place, to help me build up strength in my lower body so I can eventually progress to other things like walking and squats and such. Before I tore my knee I was really good at squats and could even squat with 100 pounds on my shoulders. I used to have very strong leg muscles but I can tell that is fading.
So despite the 88% humidity at 6:30 this morning I got on and peddaled my little heart out. As the blood filled my quads part of me wanted to quit, but part of me wanted to push even harder because the had part is what ends up helping in the end. I worked out for 15 minutes, including a 3 minute cool-down, and when I got off I was oh so very sweaty and out of time, so I hopped in the shower and when I emerged I was smiling like a goofball, and dancing as I picked out something a little more colorful to wear. And my hips didn't ache or pop as I walked. Then I looked at my happy little self in the mirror and said out loud, "This! This feeling right here is what I have been seeking!!! And it would be worth getting up early for." And, if it feels as good as it did today, I might not even need any caffeine going forward. I imagine going back to my doctor in October with a good weight loss and much-improved bloodwork. That is good enough, but to feel as good as I felt today...what else could be as priceless as that? Ultimately it's not the end result of losing weight that makes me feel good (although I won't scoff at it) it is the process, the work that makes me feel amazing! Why did I forget this so easy? I have been scared that things are going to hurt if I work out, and that led to me getting so unhealthy that just everyday activity is what really hurts. So it's time to reverse my thinking to something a little more logical. I have to fix this or I will be immobile or needing surgery before I hit my 50's. How would my self-esteem be then? To know that I have stuff that can be fixed by me (or prevented) is so powerful, and I 'm finally in the right state of mind to follow logic! Rebelling has been hurting me for years. Food and laze have been slowly killing me. I am not diet and exercise nazi now, but if I can help it, I want to feel as good as I did this morning, every day that it is humanly possible.
After the first couple weeks, though, I started to feel sluggish and wonder where that fantastic gift of energy had gone. I must need a higher dose, I thought to myself, and insisted on having my thyroid retested sooner than the prescriber recommended. My thyroid, on the current dose, has stabalized and I began to feel a little defeated, one of the masses of those whose thyroid is "normal" but still has symptoms. Then I got put on blood pressure medicine and I started taking things more seriously because with the stuff going on inside my body/blood (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, blood sugars on the high end of normal, kidney function on the high end of normal) I know where I was heading if I didn't make some changes. I don't want any of those things, yet I put myself in the position I was in.
The changes I made had a positive effect on my energy level too, cutting way back on processed sugars, cutting back on sodium, and cutting dramatically back on caffeine. To my surprise, I am doing really well with the caffeine, and I honestly feel that cutting back on that was the most dramatic, positive change in energy for me. Seems illogical but I know it probably has to do with the adrenals, which can get fatigued from excessive caffeine intake.
Still, I was longing to have that go-all-day, getting-stuff-done kind of energy that seems to be missing from my life. It makes me feel young and darn near omnipotent.
Today as I was walking my dog around the conservancy, my hips were snapping and hurting, the joints are so miserable right now. The fact that I stood up to do dishes and also took trash out last night, meant that by the time I sat down my hips were in agony. Sleeping irritates them, walking irritates them, sitting too long makes them stiff...my hips are in a sad sad state! I thought again about going to the chiropractor I bring my son to for his scoliosis. He is a huge muscle guy, but he's really personable, but there is that shame in being so big, but he was also overweight at one point. Then I started to think of doubling our bills and it made me a little mad at myself that I think I need a doctor to tell me how to fix this, when I already know what they'll say...exercise. Strength training on the lower body, the core, so that the muscles support the tendons so they stop snapping around. My glutes and hips are so weak and I know I am using the wrong stuff to support myself. I thought about doing squats and how that hurts my bad knee, then when I started to see about doing squats, I noticed that my bad knee wants to turn in when I start squatting, which is a sign of a weak hip according to the physical therapist who helped me rehab my knee. So trying to force squats or lunges is a really bad idea and can lead to damage so that's not an option at this point. The best low-impact thing I could think of was to hop on my stationary bike and just see what happens. This was the reason we bought the (expensive and obtrusive) thing in the first place, to help me build up strength in my lower body so I can eventually progress to other things like walking and squats and such. Before I tore my knee I was really good at squats and could even squat with 100 pounds on my shoulders. I used to have very strong leg muscles but I can tell that is fading.
So despite the 88% humidity at 6:30 this morning I got on and peddaled my little heart out. As the blood filled my quads part of me wanted to quit, but part of me wanted to push even harder because the had part is what ends up helping in the end. I worked out for 15 minutes, including a 3 minute cool-down, and when I got off I was oh so very sweaty and out of time, so I hopped in the shower and when I emerged I was smiling like a goofball, and dancing as I picked out something a little more colorful to wear. And my hips didn't ache or pop as I walked. Then I looked at my happy little self in the mirror and said out loud, "This! This feeling right here is what I have been seeking!!! And it would be worth getting up early for." And, if it feels as good as it did today, I might not even need any caffeine going forward. I imagine going back to my doctor in October with a good weight loss and much-improved bloodwork. That is good enough, but to feel as good as I felt today...what else could be as priceless as that? Ultimately it's not the end result of losing weight that makes me feel good (although I won't scoff at it) it is the process, the work that makes me feel amazing! Why did I forget this so easy? I have been scared that things are going to hurt if I work out, and that led to me getting so unhealthy that just everyday activity is what really hurts. So it's time to reverse my thinking to something a little more logical. I have to fix this or I will be immobile or needing surgery before I hit my 50's. How would my self-esteem be then? To know that I have stuff that can be fixed by me (or prevented) is so powerful, and I 'm finally in the right state of mind to follow logic! Rebelling has been hurting me for years. Food and laze have been slowly killing me. I am not diet and exercise nazi now, but if I can help it, I want to feel as good as I did this morning, every day that it is humanly possible.
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