My resolve has been wavering a little bit, and I have been letting some food slip into my diet that I normally wouldn't, if I were being super committed and strict.  A handful of chips here, turkey sandwich with some pretzels, a couple beers on the weekend...Nothing to end my life in one day, but not super productive either.  But I am realizing that, I have done the work of getting my mind healthier, and then I went to a pretty strict place after being put on blood pressure meds, to the point where by the end of last week, I got so sick of salads I just barely made it the whole week eating them.  I had to resort to putting some super spicy aoli on it just to get it down.  So my awakening, if you want to call it that, is that my body is protesting eating that way all the time.  It was craving salts, which I have been keeping a much closer eye on.  So the aha was that my body was trying to tell me what it needs and I was ignoring it.  Not that much different than when I am on free-for-all mode and eating fast food and ice cream every day and start craving cucumbers and apples.  My body is letting me know what it needs and I keep trying to fight against it.  I eat way less of any one item than I used to.  If I want pretzels with my lunch or as a snack, I eat a small amount and I am satisfied.  I don't eat while I am distracted by other things, like mindlessly doing stuff on my phone, so I can tell when I am satisfied much easier and then I stop eating. 
I am also finding it easier to turn down certain things.  For instance, at my church we have a pot luck lunch after service and I always get a sandwich and some sides and usually have at least one sweet. Let me tell you, these people can cook some good food!  But this weekend, I indulged a little bit with pizza and beer on Friday and home made bean burritos on Saturday, so I opted for a juicy slice of watermelon for dessert at church, despite the brownies, cookies and cakes.  So the other salty indulgences I have been allowing have mentally helped me stave off the sweets, which are more dangerous in terms of my sanity!
I had a blood pressure check yesterday, and was happy to see it is finally coming down.  The nurse told me my goal is to be under 140/90.  My first reading was 144/92, my second was 130/80.  I admit I have white coat syndrome.  I am so worried that my blood pressure is going to be bad that it drives my blood pressure up!  Silliness. 
After that appointment I had my consult with a chiropractor to see if he could figure out why my hips hurt so bad.  He took a bunch of xrays and it turns out I have Scoliosis.  I'm twisted enough that it pulls one leg a full inch shorter than the other.  It's not severe enough to need surgery, but it sure accounts for many of the issues I am having.  My pelvis and hips are not even so everything is off balance.  I also have some arthritic bone spurs at the base of my neck, which wasn't symptomatic, but I could tell that it was getting stiff, so his chiropractic treatments will help to keep the neck mobile.  I'm really glad I put my pride aside and finally had it checked out.  And finally, a doctor who will listen to me about my aching hips instead of simply blaming it on my weight.  He is a body builder, with massive arms and you can tell his is very supportive of a health lifestyle, before I started bringing my overweight son to him, I was concerned that we might get "the talk" about his weight but this chiropractor has been gentle and kind and hasn't tried to shame us.  He once told my husband he used to be obese so there is some compassion I'm sure.  At any rate, I know he's going to eventually give me some exercise assignments to strengthen my core and I am ready for the challenge. I need to get through my first month of intensive treatments first, he warned me I would be sore from the adjustments so he doesn't want me doing both strength training and adjustments at the same time until he starts seeing some improvements with just the adjustments.  They use the activator/actuator tool which sends pulses to the spine.  It felt fine when he was doing it, but boy was I sore last night!  But alas!  things starting shifting and popping in a really good way last night, and I already had a lot less popping in my hip this morning!  So there is light at the end of the tunnel!!  I am going to have 3 appointments a week for the next month, then we will take more xrays and see where I'm at.  Eventually, just like my son, we will taper down to one appointment per week.  After talking to my son about it, I think I might get him to join me in the exercises, which he had previously shirked off because it irritated his back.  He has been so frustrated that his back isn't getting better, and we keep telling him that if he did his planks like the doctor wants him to, he would start feeling better faster.  At any rate, I feel like this is the beginning of true well-being for me.  My mind is in a pretty good place, I am handling food issues with ease, I am about to get more active, stronger and balanced.  I knew 2018 would be one of the best years yet, and it has really proved true for me.  I am healing myself so I can have the kind of future I want to have, and setting a good example for my kids too.  Now that's a life adjustment I was desperately in need of!


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