Looking Down and Forward

I have been feeling like I am losing weight lately, so I finally broke down and weighed myself.  When I first went on blood pressure medicine mid-July, I weighed just shy of 201 pounds.  Today I am 188 with shoes on.  I have resisted weighing because it can play with my emotions.  In the past when I weighed every day (and in many cases, several times a day) it could really put me in a terrible mood if it wasn't what I wanted to see on the scale.  Sometimes I was even doing two workouts a day and the scale wouldn't budge and I would just want to give up and eat junk because I felt it just shouldn't be that hard to get the scale to move.  But I guess I can see some benefit to weighing in weekly or biweekly, to see if there is any progress.  Right now I am not really exercising.  I make excuses and I know that's what they are.  I would have to get up early or do it after work.  Either one could potentially work and I know it would make me feel good.  I am just lazy.  And busy, for real.  But if I made it a priority it could be done. 
188 seems pretty standard for me.  I think this is the weight that I have been at for a huge majority of my adult life.  Higher,(226 at my highest) lower (152 my lowest), and holding steady at 185-189 ish.  I feel like it's a set point for me, but not necessarily one I want to remain at indefinitely. 
As I lose little by little, my shoulders and collar bone are getting more defined, and it looks like my arms are getting more giggly all the time.  I try to focus my attention on my shoulders because I love the look of strong shoulders.  I pose in the mirror, positioning myself in a way that makes me arms and shoulders look strong and healhty, and I see great potential.  Even if the skin is always giggly, it probably will be, I can still have well-defined upper arms and shoulders to take the attention off all that other stuff, and when/if that happens, I will wear that loose skin as a badge of honor from what I overcame.  I like to think I will, at least!
Thinking about being more active is inticing to me, making the time to do it is a whole other beast.  But maybe I will start slowly with 3 times a week and build up my activity level.  I will talk to my chiropractor on Monday and get his advice.  The last thing I want to do is make his manipulations harder or risk my back going the wrong direction, or train the wrong thing the wrong way.  I don't want to undermine the treatments I am paying for, I am just eager to have less pain and I know my various weaknesses are contributing. 
So I will plan to start with some cardio this weekend.  Getting back on the bike should feel good.  I have no excuse not to, it will just take some persistence.  I will see how next week goes depending on what the chiropractor says.  My husband's alarm goes off at 4:15 am and right now I have been getting up at 5 am which still makes mornings a little tight for time, but it works.  Getting up at 4:30 wouldn't be that much harder.  It would make me feel awake and good before going to work.  I have done that before, when I was super committed, and it was a great feeling, but then I started telling myself I needed more sleep and haven't gotten up early to work out in years!  That being said, I could probably take a 15minute power nap on my lunch breaks if I really needed to.  I'm yawning as I type that. 
So getting these thoughts in my mind and getting started this weekend feels like positive steps forward for me.  I won't start feeling better until I work on it, and that is going to equate to some sweat-equity.  I think I'm ready.  Kind of. 
I do not own the rights to this photo.  Lifegoals though.

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