Last weeks success really helped me start to feel better, mentally and physically. It jetted me out of feelings of apathy and depression, and put me back on top of things. I regained my belief in myself and what can be accomplished, and all of it together, helped me to be less of a drama queen where my home life is concerned.
This weekend was pretty lax for me in terms of my diet, but I had a chance to do a lot of thinking about the events that have taken place for me in the past few months. I spent some time leafing through some Oxygen magazines, looking at the muscular physiques and when I compared my current body type to those in the magazine, I realized that where I am at is not a happy stopping place for me, but simultaneously realized that if I want to look like the women in the magazine, I can. That was a huge moment for me. To go from seeing that as completely unacheivable to completely posible was my "aha moment".
It was nice to do cardio outside in the morning over the weekend/holiday, when the sun was up. It was still chilly outside, but I have always liked this time of year, when the sun seems golden, like how the movies always depict the sun in Italy. The crisp air helps me wake up nicely, and the cardio feels good. I think the outside cardio will be limited to weekends for me from here on out, as it is pitch black outside in the mornings now, and it is a bit eerie of a feeling. My hunt for a treadmill is in full swing, as I hope to hit a few garage sales in the coming weekends, and check out the thrift shops and used sporting goods stores.
Yesterday, I was uncommitedly thinking about doing a weight session once I'd gotten my cardio out of the way and had breakfast. Before I could talk myself in or out of it, my husband got on the home gym and did an incredible workout. When I saw how hard he was pushing himself, it made me realize how much I don't do that. Once he left to go visit a friend, I had an amazing back and bicep workout. It has been years since I've been able to properly hit my back muscles, and the burn felt so good. And today I am reaping the reward of that feeling of sore muscles, which always makes them feel huge and hard, putting me in a great state of mind. My image of what I want is transforming, and it is pushing me to work for it. No matter what the scale says, no matter how insane it makes me to walk back and forth like a caged animal in my hallway for cardio, no matter if my kids are trying to climb me like a tree or fighting over the computer, no matter if my husband is overextending himself and being adored by throngs of horney women (and gay guys). It is my time to do this, and I am not stopping until I look exactly how I want to look, and of course, the feelings of complete gratification will come along with that.
The detour that I had been on for the past few weeks, was completely self-imposed, but I learned from it. And it didn't stop me. I am beginning to finally see that, if I keep dusting myself off, and working toward my new ideal, nothing can stop me but me. That is the most powerful feeling.
Have a great week!