Feeling Fabulous and a Binge Trigger Discovered

I was a little concerned with making sure I stuck to my yoga challenge over the weekend, because my husband was off and we had plans both Saturday and Sunday, but I made a few changes in my personal schedule, sacrificed sleeping in too long and showed up on the mat. Er, carpet, as it were, but my mat is ordered and on the way! 
Day 6 was abs.  Boy did I feel that! And two days later, I still feel it!  It may sound strange, but I like having sore abs, it somehow makes them feel tighter and psychologically makes me feel taller and more lean.  I'll take the psychological gains until the real ones come.  Both feel great! 
Day 7 was a longer half hour session, and it was focused on sides of the torso.  We did side planks.  I was able to keep up and even lifted one arm to the sky for a few seconds.  I felt like Wonder Woman. 
Today, Day 8, was another half hour class and we did some more core stuff.  Today we did some long lasting deep squats and I had to push through my mind telling me I couldn't do that because of my knee.  I'm glad I gave it a try, it really really pushed me to a challenging place.  I did have to take a break for a few seconds because my leg muscles were so shaky I thought I was going to fall over, but I refocused my attention and went back to it and got through it.  My knee didn't hurt at all, which was a huge, wonderful suprise!  The best part about today is that it was super challenging for me but it seemed to go fast and I stuck with it all the way through.  I even did a few seconds of a crow pose, that is where you are leaning on your hands with your elbows bent, and you balance your knees on your elbows.  I know if I keep at it, I will be able to hold that pose someday and that is a challenge I am looking forward to meeting and surpassing!
When I started this, I was worried that the instructor might do poses that I just am not at able to do.  Now I realize that I might not be able to do them like she is doing them, I may be able to balance my knees on my elbows for only a few seconds at a time, but I have faith that I will be able to do those things someday.  Then maybe I'll make my own beginners video.  While Adriene does talk about modifications and working up to a more opened up place (she calls it "creating space") there are times when she doesn't say it but I know I can work up to it.  She is great about relating where she was when she first started yoga, and I like her humble, easy-going manner about it. 
I do realize that just because I am doing this yoga and loving it doesn't mean I should take all the focus off food.  The weekend was a little less ideal for me, we went for a day trip to go swimming and ended up eating at a restaurant, wherein I had a BBQ pork sandwich and fries AND ice cream.  Then I had a hard time cleaning things up for the rest of the weekend, eating sweets and chips.  Yesterday was church, and my husband and I stayed for potluck lunch.  There were Swedish meatballs, coldcuts, potato salad, and strawberry shortcake.  I ate a little of each.  Eating with other people really triggers my want to binge, not while it's happening but after, because in the moment I only eat what I consider to be a normal amount of food so as to not appear greedy or inappropriate.  Then when I get in the privacy of my home I eat and eat because I didn't eat as much as I wanted when there was yummy different foods to sample.  When my husband went to take the dog out after we got home, I quickly scarfed down a couple fudge-covered peanut butter cookies and a handful of potato chips.  Even though it was a small binge, it was still eating with the feeling that I was out of control or driven by factors I felt somewhat helpless against.  So I do need to get back into reading my book about fixing my binge-driven brain.  I can't blame it on period hormones right now, it was just triggered by the potluck, but now that I am aware this is a trigger, I can work out a solution.  Maybe mindful eating, eating intentionally slower so I am more aware of each bite, and drinking more fluids before and during.  I stay for lunch almost every time I go to church so I am going to have to be dilligent at overcoming this trigger.  It also didn't help that I neglected to have a snack on the way to church, and service lasts about 3 hours so I was pretty over-hungry by the time I ate, and while I felt physically satisfied after eating, I didn't feel mentally satisfied.  So as always, there's more work to be done.  I'm OK with that and ready to tackle it. Feeling better physically sure does lead me to feeling better mentally so I can look at things I want to change with a positive attitude instead of abusing myself inside my head. 
My other non-scale vicotory, if you will, is that I went sleevless yesterday, in public and I didn't feel awkward at all.  I told myself I look smarter going without sleeves on such a hot day than being all covered up like I am ashamed of myself.  I am determined to not let my guesses at how others think of me to shame me into not being comfortable.  This is my body, it carries me where I need to go and I'm gratful it has carried me so well and so long.  I am getting into much healthier headspace.  My body may be sore from toenails to eyelids right now, but I actually feel quite fabulous.  And darn it, isn't that what life is all about? 


  1. Great job identifying a trigger!!! Knowing your triggers are part of overcoming them!!!!! And woohoo on the sleeveless thing!

    I also love that feeling of sore muscles! It reminds me that I’m doing something for my body...it’s empowering!!!

    1. Yes Ma'am, I will wave my not-toned arms out in the beautiful sunshine with joy and no one can stop me!
      I do wear my sore muscles like a badge. I earned every last one of them and one day it is going to add up to better strength, flexibility and stamina! Yoga rocks!


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