Everything Changes
I finished the book Transformation Road by Sean A Anderson last night. It is the first book I devoured so quickly in a good long while. And that is saying something because I typically fall asleep about 10 minutes into attempting to read something, even if I am somewhat interested. What a journey this man has been on. I was routing for him and his family the whole way and I'm happy that he was able to find the key to transformation for himself.
I'll be honest, the "how-to" portion of the book was a little too simplified for my need-concrete-instructions type of mind. Maybe for him it was just that simple as making up his mind that this is happening and failure is not an option. He had the strong driving factor that his wife was threatening divorce if he didn't turn things around with his health, and he had many epiphanies along the way. It is inspiring, but the whole time reading it I was thinking about if I have a driving force strong enough to will myself into being that dedicated.
He did make a good point about the voice in our head. This is something other authors write about too. Geneen Roth calls it the "Crazy aunt in the attic". Since I have started reading about emotional or compulsive eating they all seem to have some things in common, low self-esteem, trauma early in life, parental gaps in affection or presence, and self-depreciation. The negative self-talk is learned and becomes habitual but it's posible to change the self-talk. I can't remember where I read/saw it but I remember someone saying that the job of nurturing our inner child can only be done by ourselves, and that we should, through meditation or just focused imagination, see ourselves giving our child-self the love, support and attention it needed but didn't get. It was suggested that we imagine ourselves giving our 5-year old self big hugs, sending messages of love and comfort to ourselves in order to heal that child who wants to keep feeling the bad stuff. I don't know about all that, but I have seen it said that repeating positive mantras does help positive thoughts take root until the negative stuff becomes less natural for us. We can re-wire our brains to work for us instead of against us. And that is one of the tools Sean mentions in the book. Stop listening to the bad stuff. Set your mind up early that your day is going to be fantastic and then go make it happen.
Another thing Sean learned along the way is that once he couldn't use food to try and cope with his issues anymore he had to learn other ways to handle the stress. This plays in perfectly with the Brain Over Binge Recovery Book in that our brains are naturally wired to seek out stimulation of the pleasure centers of the brain, and when we are stressed out that is a uncomfortable feeling so it feels more pressing to try and comfort that with pleasure. Food (especially high-sugar and fat) stimulates these areas of the brain so sometimes all it takes is one comfort-eating session to program the brain into doing the same behavior to bring about the pleasure when something is unpleasant. We all know that only works for a short time so it's a really ineffective tool. When you learn to cope in other ways, the physiological urge to use food to deal with unpleasant feelings starts to lessen. Geneen Roth would then come in and ask us to examine what triggered the unpleasant feelings, what does it remind us of from our past, usually when we felt that same way as a child (betrayed, abandoned, unloved etc) so that we can try to heal that place so it doesn't trigger us anymore. There are a lot of valuable tools available these days, and I think a bunch of them can work together. We are fortunate to live in a day and time where the stigma of having eating issues is being lifted and information is so easily shared.
I wrote in my journal last night, focusing on ways that I restrict joy in my life. I had a bit of an opening last night driving home from work, I allowed myself a bit of joy to come over me in regards to the Christmas season. There was Christmas music on the radio, and driving past all the beautiful lights on the houses with just a blanket of crisp white snow...joy sneaked in and it made me realize that having my mind so set in stone about Winter and Christmas was actually robbing me of the things I do really enjoy about the season. Definitely not all Christmas music, I am usually the first one to burn out on it all, but there are things about Christmas that I do enjoy and I was not allowing myself to feel that in the past because of hang-ups I had. But the genuine stuff came through and I am embracing it. I love the lights, I love the excitement people feel, the warmth of the idea of spending time with family. So that made me wonder where else in my life I am restricting joy due to outdated thoughts or habitual reactions to things that might have been true for me once upon a time, but aren't so much anymore.
One of Sean Anderson's biggest points is that we have a choice how our life goes (to some extent). We have a choice whether or not we lose weight based on our consistant actions. We also have a choice in how we look at something. This is where my leaning toward Buddhism come into play, at least one big rule of trying not to emotionally attach myself to anything that will change. Don't like the president? That will change eventually. Don't like something that was said to me? The moment leaves and the next person will say/act differently. Everything changes. Resistence to it is futile. Reacting to things that change is a choice. Moreover, the type of reaction you have to things is a choice. To paraphrase the Dalai Lama, in life you either win or you learn. Every experience has value. It is our job to recognize it.
I'll be honest, the "how-to" portion of the book was a little too simplified for my need-concrete-instructions type of mind. Maybe for him it was just that simple as making up his mind that this is happening and failure is not an option. He had the strong driving factor that his wife was threatening divorce if he didn't turn things around with his health, and he had many epiphanies along the way. It is inspiring, but the whole time reading it I was thinking about if I have a driving force strong enough to will myself into being that dedicated.
He did make a good point about the voice in our head. This is something other authors write about too. Geneen Roth calls it the "Crazy aunt in the attic". Since I have started reading about emotional or compulsive eating they all seem to have some things in common, low self-esteem, trauma early in life, parental gaps in affection or presence, and self-depreciation. The negative self-talk is learned and becomes habitual but it's posible to change the self-talk. I can't remember where I read/saw it but I remember someone saying that the job of nurturing our inner child can only be done by ourselves, and that we should, through meditation or just focused imagination, see ourselves giving our child-self the love, support and attention it needed but didn't get. It was suggested that we imagine ourselves giving our 5-year old self big hugs, sending messages of love and comfort to ourselves in order to heal that child who wants to keep feeling the bad stuff. I don't know about all that, but I have seen it said that repeating positive mantras does help positive thoughts take root until the negative stuff becomes less natural for us. We can re-wire our brains to work for us instead of against us. And that is one of the tools Sean mentions in the book. Stop listening to the bad stuff. Set your mind up early that your day is going to be fantastic and then go make it happen.
Another thing Sean learned along the way is that once he couldn't use food to try and cope with his issues anymore he had to learn other ways to handle the stress. This plays in perfectly with the Brain Over Binge Recovery Book in that our brains are naturally wired to seek out stimulation of the pleasure centers of the brain, and when we are stressed out that is a uncomfortable feeling so it feels more pressing to try and comfort that with pleasure. Food (especially high-sugar and fat) stimulates these areas of the brain so sometimes all it takes is one comfort-eating session to program the brain into doing the same behavior to bring about the pleasure when something is unpleasant. We all know that only works for a short time so it's a really ineffective tool. When you learn to cope in other ways, the physiological urge to use food to deal with unpleasant feelings starts to lessen. Geneen Roth would then come in and ask us to examine what triggered the unpleasant feelings, what does it remind us of from our past, usually when we felt that same way as a child (betrayed, abandoned, unloved etc) so that we can try to heal that place so it doesn't trigger us anymore. There are a lot of valuable tools available these days, and I think a bunch of them can work together. We are fortunate to live in a day and time where the stigma of having eating issues is being lifted and information is so easily shared.
I wrote in my journal last night, focusing on ways that I restrict joy in my life. I had a bit of an opening last night driving home from work, I allowed myself a bit of joy to come over me in regards to the Christmas season. There was Christmas music on the radio, and driving past all the beautiful lights on the houses with just a blanket of crisp white snow...joy sneaked in and it made me realize that having my mind so set in stone about Winter and Christmas was actually robbing me of the things I do really enjoy about the season. Definitely not all Christmas music, I am usually the first one to burn out on it all, but there are things about Christmas that I do enjoy and I was not allowing myself to feel that in the past because of hang-ups I had. But the genuine stuff came through and I am embracing it. I love the lights, I love the excitement people feel, the warmth of the idea of spending time with family. So that made me wonder where else in my life I am restricting joy due to outdated thoughts or habitual reactions to things that might have been true for me once upon a time, but aren't so much anymore.
One of Sean Anderson's biggest points is that we have a choice how our life goes (to some extent). We have a choice whether or not we lose weight based on our consistant actions. We also have a choice in how we look at something. This is where my leaning toward Buddhism come into play, at least one big rule of trying not to emotionally attach myself to anything that will change. Don't like the president? That will change eventually. Don't like something that was said to me? The moment leaves and the next person will say/act differently. Everything changes. Resistence to it is futile. Reacting to things that change is a choice. Moreover, the type of reaction you have to things is a choice. To paraphrase the Dalai Lama, in life you either win or you learn. Every experience has value. It is our job to recognize it.
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