Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Big Fat Baby

Today I realized something about myself that will be key to my success in this journey.  I've been acting like a big, fat baby lately.  If I wake up and don't want to do something (ie, workout) I just think, but I dunwanna, and so I don't.  I have been allowing myself to make excuses and justifications for not working out.  All of those behaviors would eventually lead me back to the "comfortable" place of just not having to worry about it.  And even more dangerous, the scale is still moving in the right direction, so I think, well, it can't be that bad to skip workouts, I must be pretty healthy because I'm putting all that fat back on.  Blah!  That is the mindset of the person I used to be, the obese, really miserable, feel-like-I'm-twice-my-age person.
This morning I woke up feeling dehydrated, even my eyes felt exceptionally dry.  Every little bit of my person wanted to go back to bed.  Not only was I up earlier than I ever get up (4:50 am to be exact), but I feel my throat starting to get a little swollen, and my sinuses are bothering me lately with the unseasonably cold and windy/rainy weather.  Wha wha.  The reason I was up earlier, was because last night when I was all full of energy and happy thoughts, I decided that I need to be running if I am ever going to work my way up to 3 miles.  This morning, after looking outside and thinking, it still looks like the middle of the night, I was starting to think a strength training session might be better.  It looked really cold out.  I was tired.  I told my husband, "I DO NOT want to go outside."  In some secret (but not so cleverly disguised) way, I was hoping he would tell me to just do something else, in the interest of at least getting something done.  Instead, he said, "That's how you know you have to do it, is when you don't want to."  With that, and a caffeine pill, I was lacing up and out the door.  I was right, it was cold and windy.  My body began to protest the minute I began running, with a odd pain shooting from my knee up into my quad, and then a slight little "pop" and everything was good again, just when I thought I had an exscuse to skip the run.  The thought process was one of doubt.  Even when I was walking to warm up, I was thinking, I don't know if I have it in me today, this may turn out to just be a walk.  But, once that knee popped I figured the best I could do was just keep running and just see how long I could keep going.  Except for stopping to tie my shoes (note to self, double knot) I ran the whole way, 1 mile.  There were times along the way, when I felt like I wanted to stop, but I just adjusted my pace and kept going, thinking, I've already done this run before, I know I can do it again today.  By the time I got home, I felt so good.  And by that I mean, a little nausea, a little bit out of breath, a little sweaty, and my whole body was awake and buzzing.  Runner's high?  Perhaps.  Mixed with a little bit of "I freaking did it" pride.  Now my day can begin.
Exscuses are belief killers.  When you believe in yourself, you don't make exscuses.  I believe I can run a 5k, and I will.  I believe I can acheive my weight loss goals, and I will.  The minute I allow myself to make exscuses and justifications, I know I am heading down the wrong path.  Sometimes its more about pushing yourself, even when you would rather baby yourself.  Usually, those are the most rewarding workouts, and reap the greatest mental rewards.  Today I ran a mile, even though I didn't wake up feeling like doing it.  It's going to be an awesome day!

2 comments:

  1. Excellent post. We are all guilty of talking ourselves into or out of things, we justify avoiding hardship and this is childish. I have gone through almost exactly what you have described and the feeling when I have pushed on and completed what I started makes it all worth it. To talk ourselves out of it gives us temporary comfort but the feeling of low self esteem grows.
    I always look forward to your posts and next time I put up a post I will tell people about your blog.

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  2. Thanks Tony, it means a lot to me that you read and comment so much. It's nice to know I'm not the only one whose been in this position.

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