This extended weekend has proven quite interesting for me and my quest for fitness. My husband husband threw a bit of a curveball at me by eating his cheat meal by himself, on Thursday night, which left me to fend for myself for my own cheat meal. So on Friday night, when he was headed out to get a haircut and rent some movies, I took my kids to Mc Donald's and I ate the worst of the worst, a Big Mac meal, and I ate the entire thing. I was expecting my stomach to protest from the fat/calorie content and salt, but it didn't. Moreover, I woke the next morning starving, my metabolism cranked up, and two pounds lighter. All day, my metabolism stayed at a crazy pace, making me feel hungry 2 hours after eating, when I can normally make it 3 hours between, eating the same foods. Saturday was spent running errands and doing fun family things, exploring new parks, and eventually, watching movies. I did get a short (15 minutes, top) bout of cardio in while dying my hair. Yesterday, I woke up with a terrible sinus headache and stuffy ear, and though I had some caffeine, it only helped sustain me through a couple hours of housework and grocery shopping. By the late afternoon, I felt so sapped of energy that I actually fell asleep and had a hard time staying awake after. I decided to try another day without my blood pressure/diuretic, because I know it can also make you feel tired if your blood pressure is too low.
This morning I woke feeling pretty refreshed/recharged, and I decided that this is the perfect day to test my grit and see how much of that 5k run I can complete. I had a protein shake about 1/2 hour before my run, which helped my energy level, along with about 120 mg of caffeine. It is really humid out today, and I felt it weighing on me, affecting me mentally almost immediately. I just thought, thank God it's not snowing. By the time I ran to the spot where I normally turn around (on my 1-mile run) I was already wishing I was back to the spot where I could walk. But, I adjusted my pace and kept running. Up a slight hill, the breathing more irratic, I reminded myself that I don't have to run to the beat of my music, and slowed down a bit. Though I was a bit nauseous by the top of the hill, it was followed by a slight decline, and I was able to continue to adjust my speed in order to keep going. Once I'd passed the halfway point, I started to feel conflicted. I was looking forward to the cool-down, as I was so sweaty and hot, but there was the driving force of doing what I didn't think I could do that kept me going. I kept the inner dialogue flowing right along with the music, not everyone can do this. You couldn't do this six months ago. You can do this now, it's not that much further than you normally run. I felt every fraction of every mile, but in the end, once I hit the sweet spot and began to cool down, there was an irriplaceable sense of pride, and I said to myself, I just ran three miles in 33 minutes! Yes!
When I was walking around outside, cooling down, I began to think about how bad I've been feeling about the way my arms look, and I've been so hung up on it. But in the afterglow of accomplishing more than I thought I could, things started to show me their proper perspective. Who cares what my arms look like? I have lost nearly 40 pounds, and my fitness is at a level where I can run a 5K without stopping. The arms will come along when they are meant to. But really, in the scheme of things, the arms are so meaningless compared to reaching a 'what if' moment and answering your own question with an exclamaition mark! So I am going to try and stop focusing on the little things and maintain a focus on the bigger picture. And, if I am strong, I will get to the finish line, one 'what if' answered at a time.\
Happy Memorial Day!