Thursday, April 5, 2012

GRRR!

I am starting today with a GRRR!  This week was going so good, I have been so strong lately, but then yesterday I blew it.  I worked at the other office yesterday, and the surgeon who works there insists on buying chocolate and candy on nearly a daily basis.  There is a huge vase on the table, and I have yet to see it less than half full.  And it's full with Snickers and Kit Kats and Heath bars and Dove Promises.  Normally, I just shake my head at it, thinking of how ridiculous it is, watching my coworkers filter in and out of the room taking a few pieces each time.  But what amazes me is how little the surgeon himself eats.  What a huge expense. 
To say it has been a week with higher than normal stress would be a stretch.  I have had a great deal of stress and anxiety this week, but that is nothing out of the ordinary.  When there was a billing mixup with the company that does our car loan and they were threatening to repo, I was extremely stressed out, but I stayed on track.  When my boss didn't show up for her shift until 45 minutes before I had to leave for class on Tuesday, I was stressed out and irritated, but I stayed on track.  Then yesterday, I hit a glich in my childcare for tomorrow, I got a message from my sister that her newborn is having breathing problems and needs to go to a children's hospital, and I realized that I forgot my materials for my class at home and still had to try and coordinate care for my kids and make phone calls before class...I was at a place of not caring about my "diet" anymore.  I ate some chocolate.  And on the way to class, I ate some comfort food.  When I got home, there was a fevered pitch, tempers flying, my kids both having a lot of sensory issues and whining and crying and refusing to do homework.  I was, as usual, the voice of reason, getting the situation calmed down to a reasonable level.  Homework got done, kisses were shared and even a laugh or two before everything settled for the night.  When I went to bed I let out a huge sigh.  Partly because I was happy that the chaos was done, and partly because I was disappointed how I handled myself.  But I told myself that it is just one day, half a day really, and that today is another chance to do it right.  The problems that came up could not be solved by eating junk.  I still have work to do. 
The front end of my week always feels so crazy, with working late on Mondays and having work and school on Tuesday and Wednesday, by the time I hit Thursday, I feel like I am out of gas, and sometimes the bright spot is dreaming about the weekend, of sleeping in and eating junk. 
This weekend my husband will be out of state on a photo shoot, which always raises my anxiety a little, thinking of him driving tired, as he never seems to get enough sleep.  But I also like the way my kids and I make our weekends together special when Daddy's away.  It is all about them, a movie night, a special event on Saturday, and all the fun that Easter brings on Sunday.  I know it will be hard for me to not go off the rails a little bit this weekend, but I am going to give it a try.  I will say this, I have been taking an Evening Primrose Oil supplement, and yesterday I forgot to take it.  It seems to help with cravings, even though I'm not be hormonally tested at this point.  Not sure it is a miracle, but I feel like it is helping. 
I feel like I have bronchitis again, and I'm not even sick, but my lungs feel thick with stuff.  Why do I get this so often?  It's scaring me and I need to have it checked out.  Maybe time to find a different doctor.  My life is never dull.
Well, my thinking well has about dried up today, I need the weekend to get here in a hurry!  Hope you all have something exciting planned, and for those who celebrate, Happy Easter!

1 comment:

  1. You need a hug. And a yoga class. And because you don't like when you go off your diet, you need to not do that. :-) The world beats you up enough without you joining in as well!

    You are busy, and that's a fact.

    Hang in there!

    Pearl

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