Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Mary J. Blige Saved My Day

This morning I had the most fierce battle with myself about working out.  It really took me 15 minutes to get going and decide, begrudginly, that I was actually going to do it.  If it had been anything other than low-intensity dancing, I probably would have went back to bed.  My shoulders/arms are still sore from Monday's weight work, and my legs are sore from yesterday's run, so that doesn't leave a lot of parts of me that want to be moving and shaking at 5am.  But I worked through it.  I worked through my tired and irritated eyes (seasonal allergies can suck it) and the fact that I went off the rails for a few minutes last night.
What happened is, in the morning's chaos, I forgot to bring my food with me to work yesterday, so instead of having my yummy peanut butter snack in the morning, I had to eat my raw almonds that I would normally have set aside for during my class at night.  Luckily I live close enough to work that I could run home and eat my lunch and grab my afternoon snack.  Here's the cool kicker, the company had pizza ordered in-from Domino's, my absolute favorite- and I could have easily stayed at work and had some, negating my need for another snack later.  But I felt really strong and good about where I'm at right now, and the two pounds of water weight I lost, so I made the healthy choice.  Oh I thought about the pizza, good and long, and I still made the right choice.  It came down to the fact that I've had pizza before, and I will have it again.  I spent the time to cook a healthy lunch.  All this, despite the fact that I really don't like the taste of chicken once it has been refrigerated- it tastes gamey to me-but I loaded it up with Mrs. Dash and ate it like a champ, and my body happily buzzed.  And my lunch break was suprisingly restful just being at home, and I went back to work refreshed.
Well, you might imagine what happened later that night, as I sat in class, my stomach started growling fiercly.  By the time I was leaving class, it was just shy of 3 hours since my last snack, so by the time I got home, I was so hungry that I couldn't wait for anything to cook, so I gobbled up some turkey dogs on wheat buns.  I ate 6 dogs on 2 buns.  They are allowed in moderation, which I suspect means two at most, but I was just ravenous by the time I got to that point.  And I had two scoops of low-fat ice cream.  Yikes.  I put the breaks on after that, and I skipped my bedtime protein to help combat some of those extra calories and carbs.  Let me say this, I slept deeper than I have in a few weeks, which may be part of the reason I felt so wrecked this morning.
So as I was going over things this morning, trying to decide whether or not to workout, my knee-jerk reaction was to think it would be worthless, since I ate crap last night.  Then I thought, waitaminute, that's exactly why I should workout!  So I did.  It was one of those off days where the music sounded good, but my body was not feeling the music and I felt clumsy and slow; couldn't find the perfect song to wake me from my funk, even though I was smiling and mouthing the words to myself in the mirror.  I realized that my body was responding fairly quickly to being back on track, and what a huge difference water retention makes not only in appearance and the fit of clothing, but in moving. 
Toward the end of my workout, I chose a song that I rarely listen to, because it is not as upbeat as most of the others on my "dance" list, but since I was in such a strange place, I tried it.  Work That by Mary J. Blige .  The lyrics are really affirming and finally I felt a sort of high that I usually get just from dancing, but it came from such a deeper place and I was reminded that I am stronger than all my weaknesses.  If you haven't heard this song, click the link, and see if that doesn't start your day off right.  Music is such a powerful force, and today it saved me from slipping into negative patterns.
I'm gonna go conquer my day, how about you?

2 comments:

  1. Internal dialogue is always very telling, you were trying to talk yourself out of it but went anyway. good for you.

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    1. Thanks Tony! Sometimes my inner "parent" voice scolds the child enough to make it a positive outcome!

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