Thursday, June 21, 2012

In Between the Drops

Yesterday was a strange day for me.  Work was fairly busy for most of the day, but when I caught a few moments in between tasks, I read a bit of my old journals from the late 90's.  I am doing it as research for the book I am writing about those days, and I am grateful that I have these things on record to refer back to.  But reading them puts me on an emotional roller coaster.  Most of the entries are about my weight and how miserable I am, a million starts and stops on my way to a healthier me (sounds familiar), and flirting with a million and one guys.  But the entries that especially tax me are the ones I wrote about Tim.  He is the man I spent eight years chasing, we were pretty good friends and there were a million times that one of us almost took a chance, but he tortured my emotions for so long.  In the end, I had just given up on him when I laid eyes on the man who would one day become my husband, and I knew the minute I saw Garrett (my husband) that there was a reason Tim and I didn't belong together and I never craved his attention since. 
What reading those entries did for me yesterday was make me think of where I am now.  The courtship between my husband is so endearing to me, that a million memories flooded me at once, the way I would swoon just from a smile from him, and the way he knew how to use that as a tool.  It reaffirmed for me that I am so incredibly lucky to have him with me every day. 
I was in such a great mood leaving work, I wanted to rush right home and kiss my husband and tell him how happy I am to be with him, but things got a little gooey and plans went astray.  I found myself chasing through horrendous weather and traffic/construction to get to a service provider for a repair, my sweaty, sleepy kids were troopers, but they were so disappointed when we arrived at our destination and the place was closed.  Our spirits were soggy.  So we drowned our troubles in McDonald's.  It was my doing, it was lazy and not intelligent, but it lifted their spirits, and gave us a chance to cool down from the blasted heat.  At any rate, my mind was battling against me all through the night, telling me to just eat what I want, that it is so much easier, then telling me to get back on track. 
This morning as I readied myself for my cardio, I thought of something that should just be common sense by now, but it hit me like a surprise.  I need to start looking at the weekend as just another part of the week, but with one cheat meal, instead of this idea that the week is only five days long, and the rest of the time I am on "diet vacation".  I've said it before, but this was just a new way of looking at it.  The week is seven days long, not four or five. 
A quick look out the window showed me that it was not storming this morning, so I laced up my shoes and hit the pavement.  Sprinkle, sprinkle!  The sprinkles add up over time, but there was no time when I thought that I shouldn't go for my walk just because it was raining.  I put on a hooded sweatshirt, put my iPhone in my pocket and put my face to the sky.  I love a nice summer rain!  And it was a phenomenal workout compared to yesterday's cardio walk, which was riddled with aches and cracks from various joints, the humidity annoying me every step of the way.  But today, I felt so good.  And as the people driving by were looking at me as though I am mad, I just smiled and enjoyed the moment.  I think sometimes spending a little time in the rain is good for the soul!
Who's walking in the rain at 5am?  This girl, that's who!

2 comments:

  1. Go, girl! You are looking great and full of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, friend! Hope you have a wonderful time away. And tell the Queen I send my reguards!

      Delete