Delving Unfinished

I have been seeing this little beauty in my Facebook feed for a few weeks now, and keep passing it up, despite really liking how it looks, partly because of the price, and partly because it is made of Yak bone.  The company that sells them, Sivana, not only guarantees that the bones are only collected after an animal has passed, but also assures the villagers who hand carve these and inlay them with coal and turquoise are paid fair trade.  In Buddhism, it is believed that life is cyclical, beginning anew and continuing on after death.  The use of the bones is a way that the spirit of the yak continues on, to be useful and healing.  

Before I ordered this bracelet I had a feeling that it would be a useful tool in meditation, not just because it is from Tibet or because it is pretty to look at, but it felt like an object that would keep me mentally grounded.  Last night I did not notice much difference, but I was simply wearing it.  Tonight I got more information than I could handle all at once!

I already knew what I was seeking when I began, I wanted to know who was guiding me.  As I held the bracelet in my hand I spun the beads around and immediately an oversized wheel came into my mind, industrial sized, cogwheel, the menacing type that could crush a human body without skipping a beat.  Next to the wheel, a dark figure stepped out of the shadows, at first it was frightening because it looked like a demon, with horns and intense eyes.  But before I spoke, it said to me, "how can I protect you if I am soft and weak?" And I felt a sudden relief and realization that the rebel with a little fire was the influence of this entity.  I asked why I am fat and he said because I am searching instead of looking, that he sees me but I don't see me.  I asked how to do that and he told me that I'll never see myself until I stop trying so hard.  I asked what I can do to help myself and he told me to stop trying to make everything perfect for everyone and to stop trying to take on everyone else's work, and to focus on the right things and stop killing myself over the unimportant things.  

I didn't think deeply on these things yet I wanted to get this recorded before I forgot what happened.  And now my house is noisy so I have to save this work for a quieter moment.