Well, I have some more work to do in my brain for sure, but I promised to post the Mad Libs for the Body Image Fairy Tale questions I posted yesterday so I'll just get on with it now.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Maddening Habits and Mad Libs
I am finding myself shirking responsible eating again today. It is a slippery slope once you get started! I am massively hormonal, and I had some candy left from yesterday that was screaming eat me, I'm lonely in this cupboard! At least I can laugh at it! Even as I was nibbling it throughout the day I was thinking of how much better my stomach will feel once I stop eating this crap (again). I find there are days when I really care, and days when I really don't, and the days I don't aren't necessarily days when I'm in a bad mood, not always, but something in me just wants to not think about food or rights or wrongs on those days. I am aware of what's really going on, I'm numbing myself or babying myself or just plain food-lazy. I'm making the conscious choice to be unconscious about food for that time period. So it goes right now. I wasn't craving sweet stuff today, but as soon as I got to work, I pulled it out of the cupboard and started chowing on it. I think sometimes it's the taboo of eating "bad" stuff that I like, it makes me a rebel in my own mind. And I KNOW I have issues with the word and feelings surrounding "special". Just yesterday I made good on a promise to make my kids pancakes for breakfast and as we were eating them I said, "Mmmmm! This makes Wednesday feel special doesn't it?!" And my kids agreed, but I wondered what I was really telling them. Certain foods make days special. Maybe I overthink things, I don't know. What I do know is that I often feel that way about foods or even drinks. It is a need I have, to buy something in order to feel special, whether it is food or a new watch or a magazine. Why don't I feel special without these things?