I am able to get a little clearer picture of the four figures I have been meditating on, and their meaning.
The large black man is someone I don't want to focus on, he is aware of my emotions and is so empathetic that I can tell it is going to hurt both of us when I get down to asking him questions. I don't feel ready yet. I have a feeling it will be really beneficial when I do.
The short girl who is confident:( I really need to ask them their names), I don't get much from her just yet, but I asked why she is hiding and she said that she is always here, giving me what I need when I need it, she isn't hiding, she just doesn't have anything to prove.
The tough looking guy, I really started getting a warm feeling from him. His job is to protect me, plain and simple, and I can tell that he cares about me. In many ways he is like a father figure. I am most drawn to him, he seems easiest to approach though he seems not to be the one with many answers for me.
As I was envisioning the most feminine figure, the woman with Carmel-brown, flowing hair in earthy pastel green dress, I was stricken again by how cold she is, her logic and reasoning allows for so little emotion and warmth. In this way, she felt like a mother figure. Not that my mom was always cold, but she does definitely have that side to her. To some extent, these people represent the family I grew up in, to some extent they represent my own family, and to some extent every one of them is me. It makes sense that I'm not ready to ask the big dude questions and that I'm afraid it'll hurt when I do. But then, I can't change my ideas and beliefs if I don't know what they are.
All of this stuff may sound absurd to some, it is the way that works for me, to get beyond the filter my conscious mind puts up. I never would have imagined my journey would take this little side trip through meditation, but it seems to be a lucky thing it did!