Tonight's meditation introduced me to a female image, which I thought would be a softer, warmer personality but she ended up being less compassionate than the scarey looking male I met last night. In contrast she was serious, and represented logic and reason. I asked why it is that I am always worried about "having enough" whether it's food, money, intelligence, patience, health, you name it. The answer was that there were too many times as a child that no one bothered to tell me that I would be OK in times of stress. In those times I had to rely on myself, my intuition and my childlike perception of the situation, which only made me worry more. She also said I have abandonment issues, I'm afraid if I don't have another slice of pizza, it won't be there when I go back, I'll have missed out on having my fair share. It is the same as my need to buy three sets of headphones because they are on sale this week but they won't be next. There won't be enough of this good thing. It will leave and I'll be sad, disappointed, empty. Alone without it. Her directive was to get rid of what I don't need in life, de-clutter, and give some of my abundance away.
When I asked this female presence why I act irresponsible and selfish she said it is because I am still trying to fix everything for everyone, still waiting for some perfection instead of seeing how perfect our flaws make life.
Pretty heavy stuff I am getting, I am tempted to attribute it to my new bracelet helping me focus deeper, but it could also be because I have a chosen focus to start my meditation, I am leaving the answers in someone else's hands. Of course, I realize these answers are really coming from my own subconscious, and I appreciate having a method to remove the filters I have up in conscious life.
I may not be actively working on my physical body, but my mind is getting stronger.