Lately I have not been living in a very balanced way, and it is making me feel really manic-depressive, one day is up and I'm fine, the next is bad and I feel like I want to just curl up in a dark room by myself and shut the world out. I realize that I am being ruled by everything and not controlling my reaction to the things around me. I am at the whim of the events happening around me and it's making me miserable. I know the lesson of the Dhammapada is to steady my mind and find a place where my mind is strong and unwaivering no matter what happens around me. That would be nirvana wouldn't it? I'm a long way from finding my way there but at least I know what I'm doing isn't working. I have yet to claim my inner Goddess but she's in there waiting patiently.
Today I am up, because it's Friday of course, but also because yesterday was manageable and I finally voiced to my boss that I am burnt out on my job and that it's making me lose my passion for doing this as a career. He was concerned and told me I need to take a vacation. I wanted to laugh at him because lately I seem to be continually told no for 95% of the time I request off. At any rate, it felt good to get that out in the open.
I'm also in a good place because my family and I are going on a day-trip to one of our favorite local spots, an island off the tip of Wisconsin. There is something about that place that is just magical and refreshingly low-key, not in a tropical island way, but in an isolated, going back to simpler times kind of way. It will be a great time and I have a feeling it will be very rejuvenating and uplifting.
I also took a little time yesterday to scout out some new recipes and found a few I am going to try next week. If any of them are good I will share them. I am making 1 minute keto muffins and feta bombs next week and maybe the following week I'll try two more that I found for sweet potato veggie burgers with avocado and some low-carb baked, cheesy crackers which I would probably combine with slices of cheese or hummus for a snack, and I also found a recipe for some Mexican Quinoa one-pot dish which looks yummy on it's own or maybe as filling for stuffed peppers.
Just looking at recipes got me in a better mood and looking forward to putting some more focus on my body and how I feel. I have been keeping up with the hip/glute strengthening this week because it makes a huge difference in how my hips feel. It's as if I took a strong pain killer, my hip pain is almost non-existent when I do these few exercises, and they are easy enough, I have been doing them in bed at night, while watching a show or while researching geneology or whatever. I have been thinking more about how aweful it would be if every step was painful always. I see people walking all hunched over or limping bad to take the pressure off certain parts or sides of their body, I really don't want that for myself. Hip/glute strengthening is a bit of a cure for me for now, so that has been going really well.
Water is going good too. I have been cutting off the caffeine earlier in the day and switching to water. My brain always fights it but once I start sipping it, I'm hooked. Maybe a good way to start weening myself off is to cut back a little earlier each week or couple weeks until I eventually have my last caffeine at an acceptable time in the morning and then stop. Baby steps. I still have a mental feeling of urgent need for caffeine because I do feel exhausted most of the time. I am starting to put together a list of fixes to try:
Eye drops, because I do sleep with a fan and my eyes have been feeling really dry when I wake up.
Hormone helpers like Estroven. I have given them a chance in the past, but I didn't really notice a difference. To be fair though, I can't remember if I was doing anything else to try and feel better or just popping those. And I have a hard time being consistent with anything that requires me to take them in the evening, which some of them are twice-a-day dosing. I will be more compliant to see if it makes any difference.
Decreasing my carbs. I have been letting things go pretty liberally lately, and while I don't binge on sugars like I once did, they are slowly working themselves back into my diet here and there. I also eat grains pretty liberally now. Bagel for breakfast, another with my veggie burger at dinner, bread for lunch or dinner sometimes. It's not over the top but I just want to see if it makes me feel better to cut out some of that for a bit. I know everyone's body responds to an uses carbs differently. Maybe in my attempt to not restrict myself I am having some negative side effects. I would not stay ketogenic long-term, but if it makes me feel good to be lower carb I may cycle my carbs, having higher and lower days throughout the week.
Increase my intake of unsaturated fats. I don't really intake fats other than the bad ones in dairy. I think I could have more energy if I made it a point to increase my fats. It would help my good cholesterol get to a better place too, and helps curb cravings and makes you feel satiated longer.
Morning exercise. I am mainly thinking about getting out for walks because nature is very therapeutic but I rarely ever use it and I think it would make me appreciate the season more.
That's probably enough things to try! I will start with carb-cutting on Monday, going back to phase I of South Beach, the ketogenic stage. For me, I think about food a lot less on that stage, but I have to be mentally ready for it. I think I am. If not, it will simply be a learning experience! It's spring, I am ready to feel good physically and mentally, sometimes nature just needs a little help from a Goddess like me!