It's Not Supposed to Feel Good

I have an aversion to exerting myself.  Oh, if there's a challenge of the mind that someone thinks I cannot do, I am there with my sleeves rolled up.  Like getting licensed in my profession in half the time they recommend, passing the 9-hour long board exam the first time when only 30% of people taking it pass at all, and complete my Bachelor's degree while working full time and raising two kids with autism.  I'm all on that sort of challenge.  But ask me to do a half hour of cardio each day and it's like you've asked me to move a mountain! 
My current brush with movement started by accident really, over the weekend.  I have been having ongoing issues with my lower body, hips that constantly pop/snap, piriformis tightness in my glutes, and sometimes a tug of sciatica when my muscles get really sore/tight/fatigued.  This strange stuff started happening a month or two ago and it is so annoying because it makes me feel like going for a walk for cardio is out of the question.  I have been stretching, using my foam roller, trying to strengthen without bothering my knee which typically means no squats or lunges because both feel awful on my knee.  On Saturday I found an article about piriformis and snapping hip syndrome and a link to a yoga session specifically for these two issues.  It was nearly an hour session and holy crap did it work my muscles.  I was even shaky afterword as if I'd been to the gym for a serious strength session! 
Taken from

I somehow regretted doing the session.  I was tired and shaky and sweaty.  Gasp!  I was aware of how absurd it was to feel that way toward exercise.  I don't like physical work.  But as the day wore on, after lifting over-stuffed, fridge-clean-out-day bags of trash with one arm (the other was opening the dumpster, I hate being short), running errands, and doing a bunch of heavy duty house cleaning before cooking a nice dinner for my family, I realized that the yoga I did, because it actually worked my muscles instead of just stretching them, gave me a ton of energy to do all the rest of that.  Sure my lower body still hurt afterword, but as the sore muscles started to creep in toward bedtime I realized that my body is acting out in horror not because I made it do something, but because it has been screaming out for it for so long and I have ignored it.  I felt good mentally, and it sure did feel good to have more energy.
The following day I did nothing active.  I felt, for much of the day, that I was on the verge of falling asleep.  Even in church, during meditation I nodded off several times. I was just wiped out, I figured. 
Monday came and I had plenty of time to hop on the stationary bike.  Same result as Saturday, more energy, better mood throughout the day.  I would say the energy boost didn't last quite as long, but I only did 15 minutes on the bike. 
Today, I didn't want to get on the bike or do anything else for that matter, but I found myself with 20 spare minutes before getting ready for work so I hopped on the bike again.  It felt harder today, it is so very humid and I felt my mind fighting it so much today.  When I got to 10 minutes, I really wanted to quit, but I looked up and saw I had plenty of time so I kept pedaling.  Somehow I talked myself into going for 15 minutes again today.  It wasn't easy, but I'd like to think I was more proud of myself at 15 minutes than I would have been if I'd stopped at 10.  I feel pretty good.  I think one thing I am more aware of this time is the mental clarity.  It may be real or perceived, from the exercise or from eating much lower carb over the past 2 days.  I don't care what it is, I'd rather feel like this.  I just need to remember that next time my mind is acting like a 2 year old protesting not wanting to do anything.  I expect vegging out to make me feel more rested, hoping it'll give me more energy, but it turns out that doesn't really work.  The circuitry has to be set in motion in order for the electricity to go anywhere.  I know this.  I have experienced it before, but my mind is so so stubborn. 
I don't know if I'll ever fully overcome this prejudice I have with physical exertion, for now I am truly just winging it.  Hopefully documenting it here will give me a place to remind myself next time I opt out of doing it.  Now for a snack. 
Happy "It's Not Monday Anymore" day!


Popular Posts