Someone Please Tell me I'm Pretty or I'll Fall Apart

Thank all that is holy that June is over!!!  Work was just nutsballs busy that punching out Friday felt like I was already on vacation somehow. 
Saturday was my short trip to see my bestie and go to an event she's been waiting for since winter.  We went to see her favorite artist, David Cook perform at an outdoor show and I have to say, it was a pretty awesome time!  The sunlight fading to dusk, then night rising up to meet the stage lights, the music and smells all blending in a dizzying swirl of pure summer fun...what could be better?  I have to say, though I liked him when he was on American Idol, I haven't really followed him and only knew a couple songs well enough to sing along, but the band sounded awesome, there was a lot of talent on the stage, and David was charming and played to the crowd. 
My bestie and me, getting ready for the show

David Cook with bassist Mike Ball


We had fun talking and laughing, had a few drinks and a few hours of sleep and before I knew it, it was over and I'm left with that strange "recent-nostolgia" feeling of, did that really happen?  Wow that was pretty cool!  And now, all back to reality.  I came into work today expecting it to be slow since a bunch of places are closed today as people head out of town for 4th of July celebrations.  It was not slow this morning, it ended up being kind of stressful in fact, with issues and people being demanding, but now it is settling down a bit and I am expecting the afternoon to be snoozeville. 
My eating is just flying by the seat of my pants style right now.  I have things set up for the week, lower carb, yogurt with berries for breakfast, cottage cheese and cucumbers for lunch, etc etc.  I don't feel like eating light at all, I'm seriously craving salt and fats.  I should probably ask about that when I go for my next physical.  At least I am not really craving sugars, that's a big deal.  That doesn't mean that I haven't eaten any sugars recently, just that I'm not craving them so I eat way less.  I feel lazy and tired, and other than stretching my hips out ( and inconsistently strengthening them) I haven't really done much for exercise.  It's just how it goes right now.  I did have a few moments, when trying on stuff at the thrift store over the weekend, that I had flashes of my arm fat waving around in the mirror and I let my brain wander off into "what if" mode, thinking if I just hunker down and work out consistenly I can get rid of that jiggle.  The problem is, I only care about it so much.  After I got all gussied up, I felt good about how I looked and that thought about doing extreme workouts trying to chase a body whose arms don't jiggle, I realized I really don't give too many shits about that stuff.  I am self-conscious about my arms, and rarely wear sleeves shorter than about 2 or 3 inches above the elbow in public without a cover-up, but it doesn't affect my quality of life unless I'm hot and wishing I could wear a tank top. 
I did see some upsetting stuff at the concert, as you might imagine, girls dressed scantily and dancing in provacative manner, hoping to catch the attention of David Cook perhaps (?)  I hope they don't really expect a musician to give two craps about some desperate chic in a tiny Wisconsin town.  The one girl was trying so hard she nearly fell off her too-tall heels trying to gyrate to the wrong-kind-of-music-for-that-style-of-dancing-music.  It made me feel bad for her that she puts that much stock in what others (specific others at that) think of her.  She probably would have been more comfortable in some jeans and kicks and with an attitude of having fun and enjoying life instead of leaving feeling bad because the guys on stage didn't notice her.  If I could put a title on her desperate behavior I would call it "Someone Please Tell me I'm Pretty or I'll Fall Apart."  Maybe I'm just old and jaded, but I live in the real world.  Desperation is not attractive on anyone.  We do have a tendency to put so much focus on how we look and trying to impress others that sometimes it clouds our judgement, and it's like the saying goes,  "You'll would worry less about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." (David F. Wallace).  It's a tall order, but maybe one that's more worthy of attempting that trying to please, attract, or gain attention/approval from others. Some of the people I admire most in life are people who live that way.  I'd say I'm about 75% there, so more work to do.  Not needing approval from others starts from loving yourself and fully accepting who and what you are, as is.  I'm not there, but I'm also not that girl who has to look like a hooker at a concert, I only show a little leg.  Kidding, kidding! Maybe with life experience under my belt I am learning that my worth is so much more than a few seconds of what someone sees when they look at the outside.  We're all broken a little bit under the surface, but that's what shapes our character and flavors our story.  So if you think about it, maybe that's the most delicious part.  And maybe we should embrace that more and live with the idea that others opinions of us are their own business.  Yeah, it's easier said than done, but still easier than trying to force oursleves to be something we're not, and a lot less painful in the end.  With the multitude of thoughts rushing through my head on the daily, I am happy that at least some of them are, I'm a pretty cool chick.  Now I've just got to fix a few of the others and I'm in like Flynn!  Piece of cake, right?

Comments

  1. Sad that someone who promotes herself as such a feminist needs to bash other women for the way they dress.

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    1. Aw sweet a troll on my little blog, I feel important. What is sad is that you completely missed the point altogether. Strong confident women don't dress like that, people who who feel empowered and powerful don't dress like that because they already know who they are, they don't need outside approval or attention from guys who only want to use them or play them. So, the feminist point would be, women should not volunteer to be objectified or be desperate for others to validate them based solely on their appearance. No one should in my opinion. Sorry if you missed the message or felt it like a dagger aimed at you perhaps. My blog, my thoughts. Having to interpret things for people is too time consuming.

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