Stepping Up

So last week there was no doubt I made my step goal! 

There were certainly times when I didn't feel like it, but having the goal did help me stay motivated to some extent.  I mean, it's not like I'm bragging about it to friends and family, but when I am nearing the fold of evening and the little display gives me fireworks saying I've "nailed" my goal for the day, it feels pretty good.  Don't know if I'll continue doing it once my little challenge ends, it is playing a bit of a mind game with me, the feeling like I have to do it; takes a little bit of the fun out of it.  I do, however, enjoy crushing a goal I thought would be challenging, it also shows me that I could be pushing myself harder but gosh, that doesn't sound fun.
I noticed more than ever how bad I am with balance.  This week I:
     Focused more on steps and less on what I ate
     Focused more on geneology and less on spirituality
     Focused more on emotions and less on thoughts or plans

Friday was a good example.  Did I get my steps in?  Yep.  But with one of my most favorite people ever to work with retiring (Friday was her last day) and an impromptu decision to apply for a job that is a little outside of my comfort zone, and more current-job stress, and spilling the beans to my boss by asking if he'll be a reference for a job interview...I was an emotional wreck by Friday night.  I felt so burdened, and it's strange because not everything about the day was stressful or negative.  The job I applied for is in the field I have my bachelor's in.  The hours are great, the pay is good and I would be helping elderly people, working for the county.  I feel like it's a job I could do well, but I couldn't walk into it with little to no training.  It's stressful to think about leaving a trade I have been doing for 16 years, and leaving my (mostly) awesome coworkers and my super awesome boss, but I have really lost my joy in this field and I know mentally I do need a change.  I'm not doing my job as well as I used to because I'm burnt out on it. 
So Friday, hugging my dear coworker goodbye, I choked back the tears, praying I wouldn't make a fool of myself even though it was just the two of us left in the office.  I will still keep in touch and even see her but it's hard to say goodbye.  All of that stress pushed me to eat junk.  I picked up fried chicken from the grocery store that night, and I had a couple bottles of beer too.  I wanted to be numb and not have to think or feel much.  I will invest more time picking apart all of those emotions to see if one triggered more than the other.  I think, with the job thing, I started feeling not qualified, not worthy, and it started making me feel not good enough to even be asking.  I pre-worried about the interview, having something presentable to wear that didn't make me look overly huge, professional without looking stuffy or too serious.  I stressed about the thought of making a huge life change, learning something new, feeling dumb until I get to know what I'm doing, and leaving a place that is comfortable at least in the manner that I know most of what there is to know about the place and I know the personalities of those around me.  Yeah, the whole thing is definitely outside my comfort zone!  That's good though, it makes me have to be a little adventurous.  And that is how I plan to look at it, even as I go into the interview.  I am on an adventure and boy!  Life hasn't really ever steered me wrong so far!  Being nervous before it's time to be nervous is a big waste of energy.  So for now, i am going to stop stressing out about it. 
My goal this week, other than the steps/miles, is to try to focus more on eating what I have planned more of the time, and to eat more mindfully on the weekend.  My deep fried meal on Saturday night (chimichanga) really messed my stomach up, and then I added white chocolate on top of it. Yech. 
So, nothing earth shattering this week.  I am a little tired from the sun and my allergy and just generally going and doing and sleeping.  Life is tiring sometimes, but as many have said, it sure beats the alternative!


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