Equanamity

Yesterday I didn’t blog about the Chasing the Present videos I watched because they were largely about Ayauhasca and that really isn’t part of my journey. Today, however, I really got a lot out of the video. This one was with Kino MacGregor, a yoga teacher. She hit on so many points that really resonated with me and the path I am starting out on. I’ll try to summarize some of my favorite points. Depression can be a spiritual reckoning, a way to make us aware and curious about what is going on. Anyone who has gone through trauma (big or small) will have coping mechanisms that interfere with the ability to feel emotions when they arise because those defense mechanisms are so automatic that they block our emotions. Often they translate in ways that hide the true emotion behind them- sadness translates as anger, lonliness as rejection etc. When we work to be able to sit with our feelings we begin to heal them. When we try to escape our emotions by numbing ourselves or seeking the dopamine hit that comes from drugs and food, we prolong our suffering because the root cause of the issue is still there, you just momentarily attached yourself to something that feels better. We need to learn to sit with discomfort, observe and acknowledge it without analyzing or trying to fix it. She also talked about the patterns we condition. The example is that if we always go to the same coffee shop every morning and get the same latte, we have a preconceived expectation of how it will be and sometimes the expectation or past experience is so strong that we don’t even taste the coffee. When we do this in life with our relationships it is harmful because just like us, those around us are changing all the time so if we hold these unrealistic, static ideals about how things should be instead of accepting them as they are, we end up disappointed. Another point she makes is that, when you judge your worth by material standards it keeps you trapped in the scarcity bubble, always reaching for more and more despite the fact that it doesn’t fulfill you. The thing that struck me the most is the concept of equanimity, not being for or against something. The example she gives is, you are in a room that is hot. The reactive person: “OMG it’s so hot! Put the A/C on, I’m miserable!” The person who has equanimity: “A heating sensation has arisen. “ Noticing without judging keeps your mood stable. This is what I am noticing I need more of in my life. I am so emotionally reactive to everything and it really does make me miserable. To overcome these things, according to Kino, we should not look at things as if they are happening TO you but that life is happening THROUGH you. Things will filter through you, if you accept them as is instead of trying to have control over them or fighting them, you will find peace. That’s all we have ever been seeking, isn’t it?