Moving on

Last week became a turning point of sorts, with Friday the day that moved me to action. Work has been so very stressful and last week my boss was off and that meant I was working alone nearly the whole week. Sales volumes have dramatically increased and we of course have extra cleaning to do. Namely, every single pair of eyeglass frames someone touches or tries on we have to sanitize, along with the entire desk where they sit while we do the order, the credit card terminal, the chair arms, the pens, all the equipment we use for measurments, etc. Friday our eye doctors had 70 appointments and I worked the entire day alone. I was beyond swamped, to the point where I couldn’t finish anything, there were constantly people standing waiting for me to finish with the person in front of them and then by the time I started helping the next one another person would show up. Good for financials but horrible on a person’s mental health. There were literally moments where I was so stressed out I felt tears springing to my eyes. By the time I got home that night, I knew my husband would be wanting me to decide 1. If we are going out to eat and 2. Where we would go. I headed off all of that noise and said, “My brain is melted, I am not making any decisions. I will go wherever you guys decide.” We ended up a cozy pub with drool-worthy food and I had beer. Ahhhhh! An ice cold Blue Moon on tap felt so very good that I almost didn’t believe how quickly it disappeared and I ordered another because our food hadn’t come yet. I ordered the seafood pasta because it was something different and I decided it sounded a little lighter than a burger or fried fish. It came with shrimp and scallops and was in a delicious creamy parmesan alfredo. Man was that good! However, after being dairy free for 2 solid weeks and very little dairy the week before that, my stomach hated me on Saturday. There were some moments that were even a little iffy as to whether or not I was going to be able to keep it down while we were out exploring nature Saturday afternoon. I guess it’s something I was not aware of because I have just always eaten dairy without thought. It certainly could have been partly due to all the oils in it too. The next morning when I reheated the dish to eat the leftovers there was a lake of oil (butter?) all over the plate. I tried not to let it saturate my food, I let it soak into the garlic bread but it was so greasy I couldn’t eat the bread. Anyway, I know better than to go dairy-heavy next time I eat out! Yuck! I am finding some good dairy-free substitutes for sour cream, cheese and butter. I don’t miss it and I sure don’t want to feel like that again so that is reinforcing. I did cancel my plans to go visit my bestie next weekend too. My mind was in such a bad place and my body is all out of whack hormonally (hypothyroid) and with how stressed I am over work, I am not good company at all right now. She was very understanding even though I know she was disappointed. I need time to recover from the stress. When my friend asked what happened that was so bad (I told her it took everything in me not to quit on Friday because I was so stressed) I unleashed a long list of all the things that are stressing me out so bad and how on busy days they are amplified and COVID amplifies them even more. Just talking about my work stress made me tense and I realized it was time to take a step toward making my future better. I finally enrolled for the insurance coder classes I have been contemplating. I should have my books in a few days and I get 6 months to complete the course. I will have a personal mentor to ask questions to along the way and in the end I will sit for the 5 hour exam and when I pass I will be certified and ready to work. I don’t think my workplace has any openings at the moment but as soon as they do I will pounce on it. I can always switch companies if I need to, but I do like the company I work for, just not the job I’m in right now. It felt really good knowing I took a step toward fixing something that’s been bothering me for some time now. No matter what comes of it I will have no regrets. As for the videos, I didn’t watch them over the weekend. I spent a good deal of time outside. I got to the beach to hunt for beach glass (sea glass from a lake) and we went by some lighthouses and dipped our feet in the lake on a scorching hot day! We didn’t eat out on Saturday because my stomach was still bothering me from Friday. I’m OK with that. I had a peanut butter sandwich later that evening and started feeling better. Today’s video was not super inspiring for me. Maybe it’s me not connecting with the material as much on certain days. The speaker was an Indian yoga teacher (the Eastern yoga which includes stilling the mind and movements). His basic premise was to know yourself through meditation. He said much of the things we think we want are driven by the want of happiness, but you can’t find that happiness until you know yourself. To know yourself you have to sit with yourself and be still. In the stillness you will find yourself and that will lead to bliss. The analogy he used is to imagine you are looking into the water. If the water is chaotic and rough you will not see yourself (reflection) clearly, but when the water is still you can see yourself very clearly. So, if you still the waters within you can see yourself clearly, and that will bring bliss. I know the meditation piece is what’s missing. I am really trying to figure out how to fit all of this into my day. I can do yoga or exercise in the morning then do coursework at night (for coding) then watch a video and meditate. That’s assuming my family doesn’t want to see me at all. LOL. I may have to alternate days right now. I want to do it all and that’s not very likely. Then again, just tell me I can’t and watch me prove you wrong! Anyway, I have some planning to do. I only have one more month until the boys’ school starts again, and if they go in-person, that makes my mornings a lot more rushed and I won’t have time for any of it before work unless I start getting up at 4:15 am again. UGH. I don’t want to have to think about all that! For now I’m just going to appreciate my leisurely nice paced mornings which afford me a video in the morning before getting ready for work. Anyway, I’m here. Still doing plant-based and feeling fine. I have missed eating potatoes, they are so good! I am ready for the changes that have presented themselves to me. I think this is going to be a pretty good autumn!