The Beginning of Self-Healing

I am noticing a trend for me, a trend toward depression but it doesn't feel organic.  It feels borne from something out of alignment.  It was easily dismissed as work-related stress or feeling so helpless against this incessant itching caused by my sun allergy that makes me miserable at a time of year when I really love being outside.  I could easily dismiss it as perimenopause or being so frustrated with the overload of nutrition information or the amount of things I  am always planning ahead for.  However, the more I've been reading about my thyroid and piecing things together I do feel that maybe I need an adjustment to my thyroid medicine.  My negative feelings about my doctor only frustrates me more. 

This weekend has been so draining on me because in an effort to relax I have been on my phone a lot.  I admit a lot of that time is me on Facebook and two groups I follow are related to my thyroid and my PMLE (sun allergy) and they post so frequently that I am spending what feels like hours focusing on my medical issues.  

I have been thinking a lot about decision burnout lately as well and how I am doing that to myself.  It's a reaction to feeling like things are out of my control or maybe feeling that every decision matters so much.  So I am going to try and make decisions that are not super life-changing without over-thinking and delaying acting.  I made the decision to change my hairstyle this weekend but none of the usual shops were open so I'll do it next weekend. I have decided the matter is closed, I am getting Bettie bangs, end of story.  Hair grows back.  It felt good to make one small decision so when it came time to decide what to eat next week I started going over all the same thoughts again like a broken record: am I going to start a diet? Mediterranean or South Beach?  How strict do I plan on being?  Then I stopped myself because I was craving blueberry and spinach smoothies.  Before hashing over and over in my head (fruit is not allowed on the first phase of SB) I wrote it on the planner as my breakfast next week.  And I continued my food planning that way, based on what I want to eat, not on what some "expert"decides is the best way to eat.  Greek yogurt, nuts, chicken with Brussels sprouts and olives because I like that stuff and it doesn't give me headaches or heartburn or bloat.  I'm SO SICK of the  inconsistent nutrition information out there and I'm tired of trying to sort out what's right for me. So I'm just going to eat what I like while limiting processed foods, sugary foods and cutting back on dairy.  I may change things up as I go.  I may change my mind tomorrow or next week, but this is my plan of the moment.  

After feeling really down today I decided to watch a Geneen Roth video that she recorded earlier in the pandemic and as I watched I could feel something softening in me and it really helped put me in a better place mentally. She really is a lovely person.  If you've got an hour to spare Watch Here.   I hope you get something out of it.