Dangerous Combos

You know how it goes, when you are broke, you always see things you would love to buy, but when you have money, you never find anything all that great?  That's where I am with food right now.  After a successful week on the ketogenic phase of the diet, I started to feel a little stir crazy on Friday afternoon.  I knew my husband was in for another really busy weekend without us, and we weren't going to get our usual weekend cheat meal/family time.  I also discovered on Friday, that the only day my schedule would allow for me to get bloodwork would be today, so I was stuck in between a rock and a hard place.  I wanted to be squeaky clean so the bloodwork would be good, but the devil on the other shoulder wanted junk food SO BAD because it was the weekend, I was stressed out about the estimate for my car repair (leaky gas tank), and I am so used to the ritual cheat weekends.  Plus, I discovered another thing about myself; my husband being away makes me feel like eating the worst kind of junk ever.  Part of it is because I am ashamed to eat it in front of him unless he's eating with me, and some of it is, wanting to make it seem more fun for my kids.  How messed up is that??  And what's more messed up is, it works.  Movie night absolutely MUST include popcorn AND chips AND something sweet.  Boy, what Daddy's missing out on!  Didn't we have a great time?  There are always extra smiles and chuckles and happy dances.  Yikes!  What am I doing to my kids? 
This weekend, I took them to an outdoor adventure at the Wildlife Sanctuary in town, and it was the best time!  There was face painting and story telling, digging for "fossils" and feeding the ducks and geese.  We even got to pet a duck, it may have been the softest thing I've ever touched.  We were served lunch there, a high-grade hot dog, chips and a pickle.  I only took a hot dog, and ate it with a bun, despite my goals.  That was OK, I thought, not like I'm eating a candy bar or something.  Then, my son had a few chips and a pickle left on his plate (he's dramatically terrified of bees) and I didn't want to waste it since the lunch was provided for free.  I ate his 4 chips and a pickle spear.  I still felt OK with that, since pickles are OK on SBD and it was only 4 chips.
Yesterday was the day my husband went to Chicago for a photo shoot, and was gone all day and night.  That is when it got really intense for me.  I wanted to buy every kind of junk food out there, and consume it all.  The only thing that stopped me was the blood test looming over me.  I did have to do the grocery shopping and had to bring the kids along.  They picked out some Combos snacks for their school snack.  Gulp.  I love Combos.  Then, I did allow them to pick out some ice cream, since it's way cheaper to get it from the store than the ice cream shop.  I haven't been even thinking about or craving ice cream, so I knew I'd be OK with that, but I bought some sugar-free fudgesicles for myself, just in case.  I also broke down and bought them some fun size Butterfinger candy bars.  At the time I bought them, I wasn't planning on eating any of them, just something for the kids.  When we got home, I had exactly two Combos and one Butterfinger.  Whew!  That's a nice treat, and plenty.  Then I gobbled up two fudgesicles.  I made sure I ate a great, on-plan meal to help fill me up and keep the cravings at bay.  It worked, thank goodness.  By 8PM I had to begin my fast for the bloodwork, and having to drink plain tap water was brutal.  Not being able to so much as chew some gum was even worse.  By the time I was getting the kids ready for the bus this morning, I was planning to eat all sorts of crazy things today, now that the bloodwork is out of the way.  But, after I left the lab, I came home and ate my normal eggs and turkey bacon breakfast (with a piece of whole wheat toast this time) and felt full and satisfied and the cravings had subsided.  There I was left with wistful feelings of having the "freedom" to eat something crazy, but deciding there wasn't really anything all that great out there to fantasize about, now that I could eat it if I wanted to. 
So, my extent of my "crazy food rebellion" today has consisted of a high fiber bar (our machines at work are filled with only "healthy choices") and 10 pieces of Reeses' Pieces candies from a gumball machine.  The cravings have died down considerably.  It baffles me a bit, but I'll take any help I can get.  Just don't put the Combos in front of me, that might end differently.
Hope everyone had a great weekend, and you week is off to a great start!


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