Today I am thinking about choices. We are faced with a constant flow of them daily, and some we can brush off so easily, with little thought, and others stump us.
Working out is a choice we all have, and nearly every morning when my alarm goes off at 4:50am, I really have to consider my options before convincing myself to just get up and do what I set my alarm to do. I will not lie, it isn't easy, especially on days when I know I won't be home again until nearly 9PM after a long day at work and school.
But I realize the important choice isn't always the one you make, but the one you don't. When I choose to get out of bed when my alarm goes off, I am choosing to not let my laziness get the best of me. Because I know that I will feel better once I am on the treadmill, getting the blood flowing. And when I make the choice to eat something that will give my body proper nutrients, I am passing up the choice to put myself back on blood pressure and cholesterol medicine.
And when I choose to put garbage in my body, I am passing on the choice to have my body feel good, and to look good in a strappy tank top.
I consider myself to be a fairly good problem solver, and have often gotten creative in the process, but I still falter with my diet/exercise/health because I don't analyze it the same way, weighing out the choices I have, I tend to let myself go on a very hedonistic autopilot sometimes. But when I am thinking clear and strong, I realize that I am simply not even looking at the negative as a choice. When I do something that will hinder my progress, it truly is a choice I am making. But sometimes I just don't hold myself accountable.
Toward the end of last week, I was in such a good place, eating right, pushing my cardio workouts, and feeling in high spirits looking toward summer. I had planned cheats for Friday and knew I could manage Saturday's family meal OK, but going into the weekend, I told myself I was going to try to keep my diet relatively sane. But just before the end of my workday, something happened to trash my mood, and on the drive home, one kid said something that hurt my feelings, and the other was grouchy from a bad day at school, and I just felt overwhelmed by the moment. We stopped on our way home to buy some chocolate, and we three devoured it easily in the half hour it took for our pizza to arrive.
Then pizza. Before, when I was really really on-track, I would have two pieces of pizza, and that would be it for the entire weekend. Nowadays, I have 4 pieces and continue eating badly through the weekend. Saturday morning, the kids and I went to the store for a few things, and bought some more sweets. Then, by the time my husband got home from his photo shoot Saturday evening, we went out to dinner at our favorite spot, and my stomach was already feeling like it was throwing up the white flag, so I ate chicken fajitas, and only had one tortilla. Then, because he has been so depleted of calories and carbs for so long, my husband convinced me to have yet another cheat meal on Sunday, this time a burger and fries, followed by dessert. I didn't eat much else yesterday, as that burger sat in my gut all night until it finally made me feel quite ill right before bed last night. And this morning, I still feel kind of aweful.
It comes down to paying the consequence for my choices. I could have chosen a salad and skipped the dessert, those would have been wise choices with positive outcomes.
So, I am going to try to make better choices, especially on the weekends, so I don't end up another sad story.