La la la...I'm not listening!
Most of the time, when I am blogging, it is more like a cathartic free-write, where I just blather about whatever is on my mind. I try to stick to weight loss issues for the most part. The trouble with free-association blogging is that what inspires me one minute, might get outweighed by something else, and then I end up looking like a HIPPO-crite.
Yesterday I was all gung-ho about making choices, and being logical in the face of stress. That is great, and I meant it. Generally I don't simply give in to junk food without a fierce inner dialogue. And I did spend most of the day thinking about my choices and how they truly are choices that I have control over. But, a few hours after my post, I found myself running for the snack machine at work, driven by the change of hormones that seems stronger and stronger the farther I get from healthy habits.
Hormones are troublesome for me. To me it is like being in the water. Normally I can swim just fine, but once those big waves of change start rolling in, I feel really weak against them and often feel fighting against them is not worth the energy. I need to do more research on hormones and how to combat the cravings. I know it is most effective when you eat correct all month long, not just during the two week lead-in. I have a lot of work to do on the wholistic front. To my advantage, I have a nutritionalist at my disposal, provided to me free from my work. I am seriously thinking of scheduling a time to meet with her.
I am giving myself a bit of a "free pass" through the weekend, and starting things fresh again on Monday. I don't normally allow myself that much freedom, because I feel like it is a lazy cop-out, and partial effort is better than none, but this is where I'm at this week. It will be an interesting weekend, since my husband is planning on pulling things back to just one cheat meal this weekend. I know I will get back there at some point too, but right now, I'm enjoying a break and taking this time to rebuild my dream.
The more I research moving to Ft. Lauderdale, the more anxiety it is provoking in me. From the personal accounts I have read, it is expensive (the cost of living outweighs the wages), high crime, messy traffic, and very environmentally UN-friendly. Not to mention, I would have to sit for another licensing exam for my profession. My last one for Las Vegas was a 9-hour exam, I don't want to relive it. Of course, I have also read how beautiful the beaches and the people on them are. Talk about being a misfit! Right now, though I hate the snowy winters, we are in our saftey net living in Wisconsin. When something comes up, my mother-in-law can watch the kids in a pinch. When we want a date night, "Pop-Pop" comes over to watch the kids. And we found the perfect babysitter, who not only has patience to deal with my kids' quirks, but invites them over for sleep-overs with her 10-year-old son, giving my husband and I even more time to spend together. I know we could be happy in Florida, because I know we could be happy anywhere, but there is a building anxiety in me that is thinking I should have chosen LA instead. Maybe some more research is needed! I don't feel ready to conquer anything right now, much less the mountains of tasks moving to a completely unknown place brings with it. I feel like I've lost my mojo.
But it will come back, I have faith. This is just a slight "holding pattern" for me, but instead of landing, I am gearing up to take off. I am in positive spirits, and I know I am not that far off track, and that it will turn around quickly. I am getting a plan together that will include some research into inflammation, hormones and superfoods; a brand new workout module that will include strength training 3 times per week and getting in some training runs in between. Spring is a time for renewal, and I am not about to miss out on my chance to get a peice of that action!
Happy weekend and Happy St. Patrick's Day to those who celebrate it!