Friday, March 23, 2012

Try-Umph

Yesterday was one of those days that started out good, and turned sour halfway through.  It included a meeting with an academic advisor, who informed me that my calculations are way off, and my degree will take me twice as long to complete as I had figured, that means it will likely take me the better part of ten years to get my Masters Degree.  I don't know if I have it in me.  College is tough.  Managing a full time job, full time Mommy duty and trying to find time and energy to keep up with college is near impossible for me.  By the time I left work yesterday, I had had four really bad transactions with customers, a situation that could possibly get me written up, and a stress headache the size of Texas.  But, I didn't comfort eat.  Oh, I wanted to, the urge is instant.  But I thought about the way my arms look, and how I want them to look, and I stayed the course.  When I got home, I realized that I missed a snack and it had been several hours since I'd eaten.  I ate some turkey hot dogs, which are allowed on occassion on the South Beach Diet, but I had them on one white bun, more carbs than I needed, but equal amounts of sugar to a slice of 100% whole wheat bread, so I did it.  I wanted to go crazy with food, but I kept it reined in.  I thought about how fun it would be to eat all kind of fun stuff, and then I thought about my big, white, cellulite-plagued belly and I opted for my on-plan 2 no-sugar-added fudgesicles.  They hit the spot.  Several times throughout the night, I wanted to eat mindlessly, but I always fought it.  I fought it by watching a favorite show, I fought it by playing with my kids, and finally, and most effectively, I fought it with a piece of sugar-free gum.  Once I started chewing the gum, I didn't even think about eating the rest of the night until I had my bedtime snack of raw almonds.  So even though I was surrounded by my husband's stress, and coming off a rough day, I had the strength to keep my goals in mind and look for a soloution.  I thought to myself, these pounds are so hard to get off and keep off, I don't need to be making it harder on myself. 
I am going back to my hometown next month, to spend time with my bestie, and I want to enjoy the time looking and feeling good.  An old crush lives there, and even though I am not planning to see him, it is a town of only 37,000, posibilities of bumping into each other are there.  I don't still want him, I have actually seen a photo of him recently and thought to myself, how could I have been so attracted to him?  Then again, I am married to a male fitness model, so it's a little unfair!  Anyway, things have been a little out of whak for me since the last time I went to my hometown for my 20 year reunion, and I want to just relax and enjoy myself, have a little break from the chaos of my life, and identity apart from any of my work and family-defined roles.  Feels relaxing just thinking about it! 
I am heading into the weekend feeling really positive.  I think I can keep the weekend eating in control, and still have a little fun. Might try to log a run on Sunday, I am hoping to get a map of the actual route I'll be running, and try to run it, just to see where I'm at.  This morning's chaos had me in an all-out sprint between my apartment and my kids' bus stop, retrieving forgotten backpacks, and running on rain-soaked grass in slippery, ill-fitting sandals is something to behold.  I got to the bus stop huffing and puffing like a chain-smoking couch potato!  My kids and I got a good chuckle out of it.
Well Friday is finally here.  Hope your weekend rocks!

2 comments:

  1. Gum...is MY "friend," TOO...these days! ;) :) So lookin' forward...to our 'lil "escape," TOO! ;D Hang in there. That really BITES, 'bout your schooling! *Probably..."why," I never continued/went back. I couldn't fully "commit" EITHER (for my own reasons, then/now.) *No one could blame you...you DO have many other priorities. Take care...

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  2. Well, I am a fighter, and I don't give up easily. If going to school for a million years doesn't fulfill me, I will find another way to work with Autistic families and inform others. Passion is worth its weight in gold!
    I am so looking forward to the homecoming too! Less than a month now. :)

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