Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful

My mom is feeling better and so am I.  I was pretty stressed out worrying about if I was going to lose her.  She hates being a burden so much that she will lie and say she's doing better when she's not, just so no one has to go out of their way to come check up on her.  Finally, my aunt and sister both checked on her yesterday and she was feeling much better, and was eating and drinking again.  That felt like a really close call.  She has said she won't wait so long to call for help next time. 
If you have read my blog before you may already know how much I loathe snow.  I actually have a good deal of anxiety over driving in it, so much so that there have been times when I am driving home from work and have spots before my eyes from the extreme anxiety/stress.  It's one of the main reasons I pushed for us to move to California, and I almost got my wish.  Almost. 
Well, we've had one good snow storm already, which equated to about 4 inches last weekend, not impressive by Wisconsin standards, but in my own loopy head I was and have been sweating the driving because now that temperatures have dropped below zero (with the windchill) all the stuff that was in the process of melting over the weekend has frozen into slick ice.  I did actually slip on the ice while walking over the weekend, and while I didn't fall down, trying to regain my balance made me twist both feet in an awkward way and it hurt for a few days.  The combination of getting older in a slippery place is not my cup of tea.  However, I am trying to figure out a way to be OK with snow because I don't know if my husband is ever going to want to move away from here.  It depresses me to think about it.  Someone posted a picture of Sacramento on Instagram today and it is one of the most charming pictures I've seen in some time, the trees still have colorful leaves and it was raining, and I checked the temperature for today it is going to get in the 60's.  Sigh.  Sounds absolutely perfect.  Meanwhile, when I was getting my kids to school this morning it was -7 with the windchill and overnight temperatures are going to get -25 to -30.  Why do I live here?!  I was complaining about the weather with my older son and at the end I had to throw my hands up and say, "Well, living here is probably making us tougher, huh?"  Complaining about it does nothing but make me feel worse so I am going to try to not complain about it too much.  That might be hard since we have another storm moving in that is forecasted to drop 7-11 inches of snow on us Friday into Saturday.  Ugh.  I feel like I have to plan my life around the weather, now trying to figure out how and where I should go for groceries so I don't potentially end up off the road on the other side of town.  I ruminate on these things, and I know it's not good for me.  I really should just go get some therapy or medication for this issue. 
This wasn't meant to be a weather-bashing blog but here I am.  Not sorry, I know there are plenty of people out there who feel the way I do.  Many of them feel stuck here because they have houses or don't want to leave for family,etc.  I am not stuck.  My last kid should graduate high school in 2023, that's only 6 years.  Maybe we can revisit a move at that point.  I may be ready to lift and haul stuff again by then. 
Speaking of moving, while I don't really give my Fitbit Zip much thought, I did look at my steps taken during the move, because I was so exhausted from the extra activity I was curious to see where I was at.  My typical steps per day, at least on work days, is somewhere between 7,000-10,000.  Check out this reading from last Saturday:
26,000 steps in one day, which came out to just over 10 miles!!  The gears started turning in my head and I was thinking about what if I could do that on a regular basis?  My hips, knees, feet and back were all miserable after all that activity, and it was driven by the fact that we had to get all of that done, so I'm not sure I can talk myself into doing all that.  Besides, I am not walking outside in these conditions so the walking thing couldn't happen until spring.  I have a stationary bike I never use and it is dead center in my living room.  Even when I have ten extra minutes in the morning I completely forget about it.  Luckily, my husband uses it nearly every day so it is not going to waste, but I really need to be using it more often.  It could be a great stress-reliever after work. 
Tomorrow is my annual physical exam and I am feeling good about it.  I know I have lost a little weight due to how my clothes fit, and I'm expecting my blood pressure and cholesterol to be good too now that I don't eat sweets, but I think as an obese person, I still always get a little tense going into a doctor's exam from all the years of bad experiences; bad readings on blood pressure, bad numbers on the scale, really bad triglyceride levels in the past, bad iron and D3 counts.  I will do a meditation tonight to recenter myself and remind myself that I am healthier now than I have been for about a year and a half.  And, no matter what the results are this time, there is time and space for improvement, and I am making the positive changes in order to see those things happen. 
Today I am gratful that my car started, that my kids have nice warm winter gear to wear and we were not late for the bus, and that the snow is not coming for a couple days yet.  I am gratful I still have my mother and all my loved ones still with me.  I am gratful Friday is coming, and with snow also coming, I plan to stay inside, start organizing my new place and maybe sneak in some reading or movie time while snuggled under a warm blanket!  Maybe there is a reason to like snow aferall!



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