If you work in customer service you know how easily a good day can be washed away by one customer. And once I get into that irritated or stressed out mood, it seems like everyone starts making demands or complaining about things I can't fix and it snowballs until all I want to do is comfort-eat and play Angry Birds on my phone. AKA, numb myself, check out.
Today was a test of my patience for sure. I was so happy when my dog decided to hurry up his bathroom situation today, then I got a little guff from my husband when I exclaimed how cold it is. He seems to get irritated anytime I speak unfavorably about the weather, ever since we ended up cancelling our move to Sacramento. It's like I don't get to have an opinion about the weather that he was well aware I despise of. Even if I casually mention, "It's chilly today!" not to complain but to acknowledge that the weather has shifted, make conversation, let him know what it's like out there before he heads off to work in shorts when it's only 36 degrees out. Always pushback lately, like I'm wrong for feeling anything but pure joy that I have to deal with cold, snow and ice. Bah! I let it go, deciding that it is something he's working through, but it does annoy me.
Getting my kids and myself ready is always a challenge that ends in me repeating, "OK, we gotta go, we don't want to miss the bus. OK, I can't be late to work, let's go!" It seems like no matter how early we get ready, somehow we barely make it to the bus stop on time every single day. It ruffles my feathers so deeply. I hate being late. I hate the mere idea of being late and what it says about me. Today I had a work meeting scheduled to start about 5 minutes after my son's bus picks him up, which is OK since the site that we meet at is only a few blocks away from the bus stop. I make it work. But today, my older son, the one who walks to school, forgot his backpack at home, so rather than mess up his day, I took him back home to get his backpack, all the while my mind is stressing out so bad, but I didn't want him to see it so I played it off like it was no big deal. I got to the meeting a little late, but so did everyone else. My boss was a half hour late due to his garage door falling off onto his car! It was such a bizarre start to my morning, and I got to my office late because the meeting ran late, and my whole day has felt slightly off-kilter. Despite all of that, I was in a pretty good mood. Even when people started piling up with demands, little things, fix this, change that, why don't you take my insurance? Meanwhile I was trying to help a really picky person pick out eyeglasses and she hates glasses so it took her nearly an hour just to choose a frame. Because I work alone, I had to leave her several times to help other people with their repairs and pick ups and such. She did eventually order and went about her merry way. That whole business delayed my lunch and I was getting hangry. Then the sweet nurse who covers my lunch break had to come interrupt my lunch to help her with something she was unfamiliar with in selling a particular item.
The really really stressful part of my day came shortly after my lunch. The patient that I have spent hours trying to please. She doesn't want to feel her glasses on her face. Meaning, she doesn't want them to touch her face, yet she doesn't want them to be loose. Hahahahaha. Back and forth and back and forth, she doesn't realize that a hunk of metal can't be bent to stay in place a fraction of a millimeter but it's too high, it's too low, it's too tight, it's too loose. UGH! I have been doing this for nearly 16 years and few people have driven me out of my gourd like this lady. Let me say this for all to see, if you are worried about the way your nosepads look aesthetically, wear contact lenses instead. That's my beef. After about 20 minutes of making adjustments, which is a new record for the shortest stay she's had in my office I think, she left and I was already really edgy. The next customer who came in was trying to blame me for his broken glasses because I had adjusted them for him last month, and I explained that the place where they broke is not a spot where we'd adjust them, our tools fit in a different area. People are too ashamed to admit what really happened to their glasses, and let me tell you, your optician knows when you are lying, and it makes us more irritated when you lie than when you just fess up. If you sat or stepped on your glasses, that sucks, accidents happen, you are in a bind let me help you out. If you lie about it I will point out the way I can tell you are lying. My tools don't fit at that spot, the metal is stressed/cracked, looks like this is really bent, etc. Why can't people just be honest?! This same man got into a conversation about insurance and how his wife's exam was denied by their insurance last time (the insurance company bears the same name as my company's name so people assume I am somehow responsible or have the authority to change things for them) and how that's dispicable. I explained, as calmly as my now-over-peeved self could manage, that I have nothing to do with insurance or exams, and sometimes you have to pay stuff out of pocket before they'll pay, and I am not involved with any of that since my department does not take insurance. He irritatedly left, unsatisfied, even though he didn't come in to complain or solve his insurance issue, for some reason he felt I was who he was going to vent to. I kept my class as much as I could, but once he left and I got into my work area (off the salesfloor) I was so stressed out with how the day was going that I wanted to eat. At work I only have access to healthy foods, the lunch and snacks I pack, maybe some peanut butter in my cupboard or a spare protein bar I keep on hand in case I forget to pack my lunch, or an extra serving of macadamia nuts. So for me to think about stress eating work, it doesn't mean chocolate or cupcakes, my brain was focused on my protein bar, but when I thought about it, knowing I'd just eaten lunch about an hour before, I focused on how my stomach felt (not stuffed but sastisfied) and how it might feel afterword (maybe a little too full, maybe a little bloated) and I just decided blogging would be a much better way to release some stress. So, sorry but thank you for letting me vent. I am happy I passed this stress test without eating when I wasn't hungry. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if I had, I have low-carb protein bars that taste fine, but they sometimes irritate my stomach.
I have been getting hungry a lot more frequently since I changed to eating less grains this week, I am a little surprised how much of a difference it makes in that area. I know it's a good sign that my body is using what I'm fueling it with. Still no difference in my level of tiredness, but hormonal balance is shifting a bit as my Monthly will be starting in a few days. That could be part of why I'm not handling stress as well today. I am happy that I haven't had any real cravings this month. I don't know if that's from getting off sweets or from the procedure I had done in September or both. I am happy though, and never want to be back in that whirlwind of want. Even when I was trying to do the whole "Deregulating of food" or the anti-diet where I would make every single food allowable in order to release it's draw, if I was eating sweets (which I was, DAILY) it kept me in the loop of craving more and more sweets. That's how I went from a fairly steady weight in the low to mid 180's and balooned up over 200 lbs. I wasn't surprised, but it has been a number of years since I'd seen the scale climb over 200 so it was a bit of a wakeup call.
I can't say that I haven't thought about my little dance with the scale yesterday. This morning, as I was getting ready for work I must have tried on every work-appropriate outfit I own on, and it seemed nothing looked good. I settled for the new green sweaterdress with leggings, but I was self-conscious about the fit and how much my fat rolls show, but I did it anyway, telling myself I was going to have to buck up because the way I'm doing this is not a fast track to loosing a bunch of weight. I am slowly wittling away at layers of demanding customers, family stress, childhood mommy and daddy issues, and low self esteem. Like making my own path through a mountain, it will take time, but everytime I chip away another piece I can see a little more daylight. Can you hear me chipping? Chip! chip!