Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Unexpected

As much as I love the idea of free time, when it comes around I end up feeling restless because there are just too many options and only so much times.  Yesterday, because I go to work at noon, I was left with a few hours to myself after getting the kids on the bus.  And for the first time in a long, long time, I did not have anything on my plate that needed to be tended to immediately, no appointments or special visits or needs to visit anywhere.  I spent some time snuggling with my dog while skimming Facebook and I realized I was bored.  So I asked myself what I really wanted and it turns out I really wanted shoes.  Shoes for work that are not $12 Walmart specials that are too big and not real attractive.  So I went to my favorite shop for shoes hoping that I would find a pair I like in my size, because being a 7 1/2 shoe, I often get left out in the cold.  As luck would have it, I found an awesome pair of Clarks in my size and they will look good whether I dress casual or dress up.  I even had a 50% off coupon so I got an amazing deal!  I was really happy and was thinking I should just go home instead of pressing my luck, but I wanted to check out Fitbits at Target.  The pedometer I wear is from the Pebble company, who was supposed to be going under at the end of the year, but apparently their site/support shut down suddenly so no information is being tracked right now.  And while I am not concerned with it for my own interest (too much) my work has a website that sync's up the data and I earn wellness points which equate to cash rewards and bigger raises each year.  I have a huge loathing of Target's clothing in general, but yesterday I found 4 items that I actually like, a pair of leggings that are actually not so long that they bunch up at the bottom (which is difficult when you are only 5ft tall), two sweater dresses and a flowing top.  All three tops/dresses work well with the leggings.  It was a battle to get me to say yes to them, I am horrible about clothes, especially if I am not getting them at a thrift shop.  I overanalyzed all my bumps and lumps and fat rolls that the dresses highlighted.  Then I had a magically moment of awareness of what I was doing, living for what is supposed to be instead of what is, delaying joy for what?  For a physique that doesn't meet someone else's ideal?  Psht.  Nonsense.  I like them so I bought them.  I may not be approached for a modeling gig next month, but compared to how I normally dress, it is a huge update/upgrade.  Today I wore one of them to work instead of my boring work shirt with plain black pants that I usually wear all fall and winter long.  I got a ton of compliments and I just feel really attractive.
So I have decided to proudly wear the dress(es) even though I'm a little self-conscious in them.  Sometimes stepping outside of our comfort zone is just what we need to get a little boost of confidence.  And that, is as attractive (if not more) than a body without lumps and bumps.  I may not be 'body positive' just yet, but I might be able to let some stuff go.  And I am thankful for that!

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