Lighter post today, I promise! I have been going through some thick stuff lately, and sometimes I just need a break to coast on the surface instead of diving into the murky deep.
I don't know what is changing or happening lately but I have been feeling so good, so happy this week. I have a ton of energy, I feel like my thoughts are so clear and my body is moving with ease. I even feel graceful at times, which is not something I can remember ever saying about myself; I am a natural-born clutz! I don't know what it is but I LOVE it! It's like a post-workout high without the workout.
Yesterday as I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about the absence of my usual aches and pains, and imagining what it would be like to turn the clock back ten years. I recognized myself as being in a lot less pain physically but I was experiencing a lot more emotional turmoil ten years ago. It made me truly happy of where I am now. In my opinion, emotional pain is way harder to fix because there is no clear-cut way to get from A to B like there is in physical issues. I am glad I have had an open enough mind to read some self-help books, meditate and actually dive into dark past I never wanted to face. It is true that you have to go through it to find the exit sign, pretending my past didn't affect me, or trying to blame everyone else for my hurt did nothing to heal me. I think it took me softening toward that which I felt was the source of my pain in order to heal. I didn't know if I would ever be able to do it without seeing a therapist. There are three books that I can point to that led to my greatest progress in healing and progress:
Yesterday at work I had a male customer picking up his glasses. When he first came in to order, I was pleasantly surprised at how friendly and easy-going he was. He is a big guy, but short with curly hair, and when he came to order he was wearing a very expensive looking suit with a bright blue bowtie. He literally reminded me of the character Norm from the TV show Cheers. So when he came back to pick up his glasses yesterday, he was equally laid back and happy-go-lucky. I went through my normal dispensing procedure, asking if they feel comfortable on the nose and ears, checking if they are crooked, and asking if he feels like he can see well. He said, "Yes, I can see really well, there are beautiful women all around me!" Since I was the only one in the room with him I chuckled and said, "Uh oh, I think you need to have your prescription rechecked!" He politely remarked that in all honesty he could see well, and I was beautiful. It has been a good many years since anyone has called me that, and I don't take compliments well. I didn't feel like he was saying it as a pickup, I think he is just that kind of guy who passes out roses to women he doesn't know on Mother's Day or helps an elderly lady across the street. But it made me feel good, moreso because this perfect stranger was modeling something that I have been lacking lately, being a really nice person to others because everyone needs someone to be nice to them for no reason other than we are all sharing this space but we are so disconnected. I think I am ready to let go of some of my cynicism. That is a big bold step for me. I think it will make me happier in general, but especially at work. Our words and actions have so much affect, not just to others but to ourselves. How we treat others changes how we feel about oursleves and vice versa. I need to start being nicer to others and myself. Maybe that is the lightness I've been feeling, like I finally started moving that mountain out of my way, you know, the one that was blocking the sun. It's time to let a little light in. It's not about the holiday or the season or the state of the country, it's about humanity and our role in it. I don't feel like the fat outsider who gets picked last in gym class, I know I'm the team captain and I can make all the difference. We all can. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others. Stress and anger are cancers to the soul. People who are bitter, hurt and angry because they don't have a choice to be anything else. Sometimes all it takes to make them feel better is a little kindness even if they aren't giving it to you.
I did not mean to be preachy in this post but I guess I'm feeling good and I hope you are too. Now, go do nice things!