A Nice Walk
I was up more than I wanted to be last night, nursing a coughing kid and trying to get the near-constant stream of barking coughs to end, and then being startled awake every few minutes for a couple hours after as he coughed more. Still, I made it through my day OK. I felt pretty good at work, and the skirt I wore today made me feel totally feminine and pretty, and since Eliot's reaction to me has changed, I feel less bashful too, like now I can just talk to him without trying to impress him. But my lunch coverage came so early that he came while I was out of my office, despite me trying to stall. I was a little disappointed but didn't dwell on it. I got a lot of work done, despite feeling drained, and was still planning to go for a walk once I got home and helped the kids through their homework. But my kids were tired too and took longer to do homework than normal, so by the time my husband approached me around 6:30pm to ask if I was going to go for a walk, I was already starting to doze in a chair. I wanted to say no and use my Monthly Disaster, low iron, lack of sleep and vertigo as excuses. But I decided to wake myself up and go. I warned him that it wasn't going to be much of a cardio session for him, and he was fine with that. We didn't go as far as I normally do alone, but I m glad for that. I actually prefer walking alone, putting on my headphones and looking at all the amazing things around me. Those things are considered rude to do when someone is trying to talk to you:). And my husband likes to talk and talk and talk. About himself and the things he's into. Part of me wanted to tell him about Elliot, and part of me thinks it's not worth it, or that I will save it for a relevant time. But while we were walking and talking, I looked down as his feet walking next to me, somehow the way he walks reminds me of a little kid, especially in his skateboarding shoes, and I thought about how I'd feel if one of the cars driving past was Elliot. I felt so proud at the thought, my husband and I out for a walk together, he so handsome and stylish and me feeling punk. At that moment I felt like slipping my arm in his, but he was in the middle of talking about something deep and I didn't want to interrupt. Plus it was on the windy/chilly side outside and I didn't want to take my hand out of my sweater pocket. It was a nice walk.
When we got home I felt good for a few minutes, then started feeling sleepy/worn out again. The smells from the grills in the neighborhood had me craving meat and potatoes. I ate some eggs and a piece of sprouted-grain toast. Sleep will do me good tonight. Beautiful, charming, warm, blissful sleep. I'm going to see about getting some now. Happy Tuesday friends!