I always do my grocery shopping on Saturday and my little helper comes along to help. We used to stop and get a junk food item to eat on the way to the store, now we drink Diet Cokes and talk about stuff. He is slowly learning how I feel about sugar, based on my what I'm experiencing, and starting to think about healthier choices. It's a good step. These shopping trips have become like our little secret missions and he opens up a little more when we're driving.
I had a lot of goals for this weekend. One was to have a cheat meal, did that. I wanted to find some new clothes, I tried a dozen things on today and didn't like any of them enough to buy them. New sandals, nope. Haircut? Maybe tomorrow. Homework? Yep. Think a little more on the Elliot thing? Yep.
Between grocery shopping, drugstore, trying to find some new clothes and doing a major field report project for my art class, I was thinking about skipping a workout today. Once I completed about three hours of homework, the sun was still out, the wind died down a bit from earlier, so I decided to go for a walk. It's cold still, and the wind was still a factor, but once the music hit my ears I was walking at a pretty good pace. My knees felt fine, normal even, which is how they typically feel now that I've gotten off sugar. I started thinking about Elliot, and what it would be like if I were out with my family and bumped into him. And I realized that I would feel proud. I am proud of the life I have. It is beautifully imperfect! Now I know my head's in a better place. And I think, human connection is a good thing, it doesn't have to be categorized or fantasized into something, it can be enjoyable just because it is happening. I enjoy sharing a few minutes of my day with Elliot, and the girls I work with, and the doctor I work with, and my customers who often make me laugh or think I'm smart. I like making people smile, it makes me feel warm and good inside.
I ended up walking and thinking for nearly an hour (about 2 and a half miles). It's the furthest I've walked since training for my last 5k a few years ago! My muscles are going to be feeling that tomorrow, but it felt really freeing to just take that walk and sort things out in my head. It made me feel stronger mentally. That walk wasn't about impressing anyone or staging something that walk was for me to feel good, and it certainly fit the bill. Im so glad I accidentally discovered the key to getting rid of that knee pain! I'm finally free!